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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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1. Bring your own house.9 J9 H7 I! P. c! r3 b. u5 p9 f
4 a0 w. ]( z ]3 k; d( c 2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and
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7 t* ?* A8 \" J% J 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder
' o6 y% B: }' z' ]5 g8 H" Y" icapital of Canada .
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( z# X, c$ I8 s+ _; i# F% D 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .( [5 {7 H. t+ M2 I- q- I# }
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug& a8 p- P j( Q# z# i# A
capital of Canada .
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4 o% K" f8 V; F' Z5 q 6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
0 x- ]" ]9 U: Y. `( g) ~$ M; {$8.00/hour.
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.6 Z: [: ?( O2 G3 m. z
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money8 Q: W5 N; V5 C$ E% x+ G" Q
on a 15 year holiday ?
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
6 Y0 @) {! T! x8 j f7 s6 Rprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)+ Z/ f& Z% K, V* v& O% L
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10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come9 `% H8 l; ]6 |2 j/ ^2 L" K
here sick.* b9 @, e/ j5 M1 Y" _' t
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11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 129 j4 @' J" b3 x6 s$ e0 y. b
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.& B7 o1 A) S( X; t+ k# w
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
9 p) j( _/ N2 h% Z: Y7 ~3 Zis from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
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& ~+ b3 u2 Q2 z' G3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its& N0 \% |2 L2 N d
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
* O5 X' p% b) x. e. Tmuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires- Z3 x" x& b+ ]+ ]' u9 G
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell
5 n/ P6 m0 ~1 V* U* g2 n' sphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.5 k" L `, v: b2 J; J* Z' @
$ Q4 M& O' d. ^' Q5 }/ r- `* _4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
1 l+ h7 J7 { v: |- ?cussed out, and possibly shot.
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}0 o$ l: q: Q' J& `, S" { i5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that
U) n. N8 C& o6 D* k W* W4 \can get you shot.0 T3 K" x' ?+ u1 }2 _
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour
! {5 E2 F6 r! N1 }" Gbarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
2 d D7 U. t f/ C9 nday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
; x: S* `- w* a+ Omore construction starts everyday.
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k, d+ l: O' M9 W( C 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
5 E J) R! w5 N) z+ \7 m# v' ]) Bdeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
* E) \# f5 ?' R9 V* ~/ Csquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.7 b6 ^' r' j. d! z
x+ {: H( I c5 D8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all( s9 B/ Q( C4 c4 _
the same road.
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9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the$ _' x; t8 A; Z1 f& m
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally* l. V3 A, C$ G7 N
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10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km4 g/ J# x2 ?* E+ B0 D
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
# [3 X& f* m- _* f$ Jaccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.2 |# y+ f; }7 b6 g8 o0 `) x+ I/ U
3 {; C1 t8 ^7 d% B' p5 Y$ L11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
. `+ g( u4 {* ?0 p* G& G/ ?lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
& ?3 b* K2 ~5 d# J. g& s% Mblankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
+ F6 Z$ |; }: }4 ivirtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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