请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
/ [9 D+ [4 V0 ^$ K' N* kBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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9 O; e2 e. E7 A, i7 J



Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
3 f$ e/ C9 i! ?3 t! W% o6 N, ~              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
! Z4 o- y/ t) W' S4 c              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
% ~5 F. [/ z" Q  B$ x" q- [  t              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
) K3 L8 Q. U' ^! l# C- oHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
7 N; p/ m; B' i! b             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
- ~( G1 b2 j4 ?$ b* t             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
0 |# ^. M; _* M+ P( t             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
% U3 v  c+ _( E# PFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
: S% f, `9 E9 e0 D# g9 V6 v               I am 一个人de精彩
9 N, X, x( `' _1 \( d               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
8 j/ J, p& P0 nBut........         
  p1 t+ U0 F' jIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
1 S" [$ ~) F8 b1 }9 P# X& L9 O+ bSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
5 T. o! x7 u# n7 N5 C$ USomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
7 O9 Q" T, s: E* d: F/ cSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

$ v# S: p) h/ b" T4 a* N& _! QSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
5 D* s! ^) ~8 h2 l5 j/ X( OSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
+ `7 d0 V7 t2 g$ |Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
- q/ d3 a5 S2 c6 q, ]4 I' B
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
7 u2 f7 j- J( fSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
/ B! R1 j! J; Z1 ^# V================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
7 n/ t7 V4 ?) e* Y/ F
. S2 ?, R# f( D  ~3 H9 dsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
" M- `$ b2 Y& C  s- t=====================================================================
- M" Z( |0 |* ^" f" lsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？