Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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7 D7 U# z% I+ m6 k> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
' d3 k1 b# i* V5 @, {2 R# x% ~> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
/ x  v3 A7 [, Q3 J> > > >little TONY.
) S- ~& G* f: L4 N> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
0 @$ E1 k& `9 Z9 p>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
6 s0 n) g( W- s. w$ h) ~% P> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
* B7 E4 J" m, t2 o! R$ z6 ^>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
; T7 A3 J! W  P5 n8 R> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
0 @8 u8 J6 H- W: S> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
% Q* b+ D& q* H( ]. e% c> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
9 Y) ~; M' a3 l' u0 \- ~> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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: c4 |$ x' ^9 T! s, i" y3 ~> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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8 Y, W8 ], _! c% d> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
) T. v5 T5 E( t/ \4 a> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
) v# k1 q* K' f' x5 p% [> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
! z/ r( I" A* K3 j9 S: D> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
  A' O/ f/ ^0 X( X5 Y4 e+ ~  p> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
, f+ f1 _9 T! F0 ~. g2 V> > > >"That's what I said!"
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4 f  F) c6 f. T/ c> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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0 z! H( D5 v4 ]' _> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
$ S. ^' o; {4 A: W> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
: C& a3 b- u" Q5 B& V* \% k# x> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
2 S$ G- F6 O0 w% l' k+ V> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
4 H/ F3 Z" k2 \) P> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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; [& y3 p3 Y$ Z* h+ ^7 _> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
9 c9 {% P+ N% [0 p4 B) {> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
. l3 O, L3 c% l$ \" \9 Q/ Z1 _> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
* P/ |  b% M4 F> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
* F: S/ E& k( k# M> > > >beautifully."
( f/ L1 p  s9 u5 j. Y4 H+ U+ N; z> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
) i+ d) D* f  r. S$ W8 T& o% s$ P> > > >called on little TONY.
" k3 b: R4 V+ p* g> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
+ P& X; G- x: P* r+ J  f> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
6 Z1 x% T2 X* o, W> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business