Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
' o# a- {' K1 R1 @, h: G0 i> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
8 \' V$ b; p4 [9 D8 L> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
; |1 s4 ]! R. m/ n) r0 w) ]> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
7 y$ O* b; `' {0 A3 N> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
9 f6 V7 ~+ \6 |0 U" f+ W> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
# t( G( Y& q+ @3 x- H) f- _> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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$ r  }+ U$ {  b- g! I> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
- z- F; r4 D, w4 T' o> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
( k( R! X! x+ g2 @$ d2 _> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
+ o6 T, Z) g; x) [$ h4 `5 m> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
6 [% D: B$ C) i, \. g> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
6 z0 ~  g4 S. j/ m, w9 L> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
+ q/ t9 V: {9 Y3 s7 F  K  e0 I1 _> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
, v( d5 T5 r3 W. x$ p> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
$ g& m8 u1 w/ K> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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" d; P# x1 y! d) t$ A9 k> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
* Y; y" l+ Q" }> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
: O9 D4 S, a( w! K& Z5 [7 E5 z. [" z% f> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
+ n+ x8 @$ m* N0 y7 p> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
2 [/ `: v/ h" L; F, U> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
1 ?$ b! v, p; _! E& j> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
" @' @" ?- j: k! C" A> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
: d5 x" o# s) s6 r" f> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
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9 g' I9 K) D  S, k+ o3 U> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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. u/ G( k3 V' \. X1 o! s  Z; V2 \8 s7 L> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
' N0 v4 ]! b6 Z; {> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
# S+ R9 {$ F6 w( `% u' r6 i$ b  \> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
; z+ X9 u8 m3 T* S> > > >called on little TONY.
' V' ^2 Q( }& M' {; y0 w' F> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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7 A8 u7 j0 K: {* @; j. x> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
2 Z$ O; A  D0 N8 y! ?8 @> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
6 \  ]' }5 \: r( H2 ~> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
5 i+ j* Q$ ^5 {; c> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
. b" ?4 ]) v7 C: G- e) [; p4 J# B' ~> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business