Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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% z* V) }8 O  m> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
+ M" k, z0 V: E" n  [+ R% o> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
: S0 X- E3 J8 I> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
9 u1 H' [% @# Z7 [1 G4 s* \1 Z> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
; C, F9 g6 w# o5 A6 N>cream.
8 A2 c. t( t* Q; {  u> > > >Which one is married?"
+ i1 V7 U9 ~! @4 I> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
* T6 o- ]5 |5 Z> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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> > > >
! V  x* ]8 }" ~% w  s> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
& O9 s4 i/ Y; F> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
9 J0 F1 r6 w& @9 a9 b* i2 f, l( h> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
4 T$ O6 P" _( B4 f0 J> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
. ^1 C2 C: d) Q5 E- w> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
1 t2 Z! @$ ^- h" F  I0 ]4 s> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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$ K6 W& i/ t9 T: x+ w+ r; P> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
% q5 t/ F; E  B. W> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
/ \# Z5 R( j6 ?: D4 e: u> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
0 o6 l3 k, r2 T( w9 a> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
5 l$ S$ V9 O+ P4 A+ U% Y> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
7 U  }5 z) \- J, o* a4 s" G% N> > > >piss!!"
9 A$ E: D; v  w7 N; G9 g$ B> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
) e) S, |- c! S8 H5 w5 r( O> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
( S- E$ W& f5 a$ ?# y> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
" c0 k8 Y; _# G3 K) o! P2 Q> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
' b6 f0 G* [5 y: V, ], @, r6 Y> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
9 h; ^+ G( K$ s6 j1 `, `5 k> > > >same sentence twice.
. W3 @4 |' {2 y& \4 i/ ]> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
. a) ~* s, G% Q5 B$ }. h" a2 O> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
* @2 {0 i, f3 N8 q; F* ~, f> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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$ g: {  W  f% E/ E> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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3 g1 o; o& P( t( k/ `3 U> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
0 g6 n3 _* k! V) A0 V4 \> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
; C- ~8 Z7 g9 ?3 \' m> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
8 z; j/ b" `+ R0 ^> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
  X3 ]3 x9 x) z> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business