Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
- t) Z- l$ l& t# J) g( _- X> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
* t0 a( p7 X: c  T4 ?( }  @> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
: ~) D4 Q) q9 o, v0 Y> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
- l: i: J4 \$ d4 Z) k> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
; U) M- R; X2 k  }0 Z! x> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
. ^4 [, m" }9 W> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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/ o  I" M2 g4 a( M" _; G% R> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
# t5 R9 Q/ c- C> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
$ R8 n" [0 `" [$ N& J: ^0 F% O> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
. W, L* N, e5 k5 Y6 p% m% }> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
, ]( U- M* d( c: F> > > >"That's what I said!"
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  o' o. {% {8 n, Y( i* z7 o0 A> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
' y/ ?7 a, x; O1 v! X( e0 |6 U> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
: [! v  t& ~( @$ S& g/ z* Z7 t> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
  c- [$ P+ T4 I: ^# P/ q> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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" \, q: ~! ^$ l# X> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
' H. ~" h. |) l> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
3 m$ d, V. O, Y9 \1 J3 b! L8 T+ L- h> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
7 n6 I& W$ x8 p6 q9 y> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
% L5 P& p. B2 \# U9 U. U> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
, {2 @3 b0 ^4 s8 W+ ?' U' v> > > >you to go."
+ v. }% x& r  l. `3 F: S0 K( b- v> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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5 w1 j* Y# u4 [/ p5 O9 ]' u) Z> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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* Q$ _' ?: j  f' T: g! V# \> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
# @% W. i$ ^% d, U> > > >same sentence twice.
3 d6 E! _" d4 l* X> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
( S( ?, E" a& }6 L> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
7 S6 G' B* E* X" N6 g> > > >called on little TONY.
* V. S; p4 O! C+ ^> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
6 D6 s/ @1 n- C6 Q& Z( J> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
: r# ]* _$ b6 y, p( j> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
9 K5 a" S- w' P6 w5 _> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
' q  i' Y: d; I$ C  h1 \7 ]" x> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
7 n6 `3 F5 h7 O/ e2 Z, k7 E> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
8 h; P! Z! d) a: n" N. @> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
! Q! D6 R  i; g> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business