Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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; e  m7 Z3 n/ Z7 y. I% O6 c/ u> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
! o/ F! i4 V. G* ]0 \- Z> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
7 O) j+ U  x9 R> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
* G) u0 k2 P# Q; z) J2 t6 U> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
1 D8 f1 L1 i! D! P- g0 }>cream.
5 J: o* q3 e# \: s" R: b6 T. `> > > >Which one is married?"
0 y' w* v$ b! [. \# L> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
. V3 s9 ]  }% _! U" ^/ t% F# ]% W> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
6 q) ?) \) v3 Z> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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> > > >
. ~. r3 ]. c- c/ G6 r. X> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
' \% h* k# {- Z" v> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
" V; I, K& v1 d> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
8 T# K9 y. P% h: s> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
> > > >
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* _5 b' @& g/ D  a1 |& j  K# L8 U> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
6 I# l$ s! f$ U  |* g+ K, F4 L0 l> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
2 i; o3 E) M( A9 B> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
. c( L( S% d" ]4 G> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
& ^* ], m7 u; H# Y& q> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
0 `+ H, h( D( O# }4 d2 A! R> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
1 E7 U& X: H# D7 J5 w> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
, U3 Q: e. P; D) d7 I> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
" m# I3 _% K4 c, D> > > >you to go."
8 ^. \8 p0 o4 u$ y8 U. Z$ K2 [> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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9 M5 s! [( B! Y3 y& e> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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: T' M% E* w- K; X1 _( \! |! Y3 u> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
7 S( {# g  ^. ~, h4 z+ D! w: l* V: N> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
& O6 \" z- P6 j' q> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
8 g' A- u0 N( \: [8 [; e$ X+ u( y> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
5 c7 X0 j" F! \- y! Q' ?  k> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
3 u: P" d/ T) e) ?# a% `- @7 d> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
# k, P* Z" P* l$ r> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
7 G! S  f; b2 u2 z4 S+ n9 `2 i! E> > > >called on little TONY.
' X/ Z0 l& u$ W0 t4 l8 L1 v> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
4 N. s) E+ w! U6 G) e> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
2 K  H$ v4 `, N" ?$ M: J- R1 Y% S> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business