Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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2 r. I1 u. c! o( C* m9 g> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
# I' v# C" K4 {* O. @> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
8 [1 W! s7 V, q" ^1 V> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
( a6 j6 p% z$ ^9 U5 D+ |0 J> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
: T# S/ w. u3 q9 k> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
2 |* f, n: t$ a! n>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
2 g& w* x. x' ?; B" _$ {4 S. R> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
8 k4 i( G4 P4 }7 j" {6 l> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
# `6 {  a" _2 J% d& \> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
( S# R+ i# d3 n5 R> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
$ C& G; q: a  `1 T/ `' i: i> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
9 r1 z: U# y3 Z! P9 k( y> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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9 g8 H$ i8 P& T5 r> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
  ?/ A4 L$ L" \$ s& N> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
/ F, q( d& P, n> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
- O; P; D' Y% J% U' j> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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$ C1 C: i) Q8 l. G> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
4 b' i* k5 s. {" N> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
0 J! P9 ?: \" g: d! \% G) |, W> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
" a) i( P0 M2 Q& ^2 M# l$ n) ^% e> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
% g9 E5 I; V4 \( o> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
2 d8 W4 G3 w" @, _5 [> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
7 W6 ^9 n+ y. @4 ^6 t& N> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
" L5 w! e. s( H" d> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
. e$ y7 b8 x0 w' e) Y- P> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
- P  a7 a7 k( ]3 X# R0 C> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
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+ v, q6 Z. Y5 K! n% G# D> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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" e' K" ^' A7 y" r, M> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
. o) D/ R& N9 _& i! h# a! c; Q, d> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
+ @; o9 x  ^( ^% T# I$ \( ?# ]> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
6 ~/ C! q: K5 O% l5 D% l3 Q5 i> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business