办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

. C% }+ a; p7 B6 r6 @- r( m) @Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
6 ^7 j9 ^! E# t( UEach employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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Bereavement Leave:
! o2 V, S2 x5 h! Z% W7 [1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
" j6 W4 p3 R* @2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
' Q/ B9 ]- ~/ u3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
) H' `8 C2 w! c; E4 I4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
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Bathroom Breaks:
7 O1 v+ s2 D8 Q3 m5 E+ o1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
4 X: _* [' Y: p5 ~  {, L: \2 E: H3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
: W) Z4 D" B6 F! P* D4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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Lunch Break:
1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
" W/ I2 m# t: ]0 W% a3 b6 q3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

5 D/ G9 d0 n0 _$ yThank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
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: R) ^2 K" l1 H8 [7 z' B0 w# OThe Management
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4 o  o: c! s$ d- J2 `4 ^Pass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.