埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 2238|回复: 4

[其他] 办公室新政策(ZT搞笑))

[复制链接]
鲜花(47) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 08:41 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dress Code:
& Q% ]2 t  J8 D1 m' L1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   : q3 x  k0 I  l0 Y) {
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. " k! z% |0 E. b0 @' `/ h: U  ?
3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. / l7 e- b" D- G' t7 {& b' O3 S# q1 I
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. # _; V" `- K6 K: q6 G+ w; e
) e" @7 v6 m- C9 J% l7 \3 H
Sick Days:
; L0 X. p6 t. y2 T+ m/ S! ZWe will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. ! N0 K: E) m- v" k5 E* b
: m( C" A2 H- ^+ |/ d) {
Personal Days: 1 W' x* `+ P5 \1 Q/ w
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays. ) }" K7 R0 p2 e0 |" d

4 P1 Y+ o+ }/ Z: k& C1 Q; O& D7 _: tBereavement Leave: , ]7 X: x$ ]' W9 A
1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   3 R2 _; b' f# `$ K" N7 G1 [
2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
/ t5 j: {  n, F' F3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
. D' x* g: R4 y0 o  Q4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
+ {7 K4 p' m9 Y, E3 q
+ J! |/ Q$ v+ s! }Bathroom Breaks:
8 ]1 X  U2 V7 ~# t: ~+ G; |& T1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
+ c% N) _* `# C* \0 B0 T2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.     {' p4 r- [6 ~# v
3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   8 c+ O/ J1 ^. R* L4 f) u; Y
4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy. 4 x5 M7 ~  R5 t- I5 e% u
4 Z% v& n& T9 q3 G
Lunch Break:
8 h- n7 M; ]/ Z1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. 6 F# B$ C. f: ^8 b) r
2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. ; P8 o) ?- e2 g: Z; I& h
3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. 4 {8 e' h* P8 X: d

' G; k$ s- f' L( ]Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. 8 V2 c. P2 d- a6 D
: y8 [5 Y/ B; J* y6 s
The Management
. |" t3 o1 [' t( b0 {+ Z% Y5 ^
( `- o) ?7 k  \4 ^9 i9 ZPass this on to all who are employed.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 10:16 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-25 06:39 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(6) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-8-25 21:01 | 显示全部楼层

这一句实在是太油菜了!

老杨团队 追求完美
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-26 21:44 | 显示全部楼层
not very understand.
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-7-6 03:50 , Processed in 0.158189 second(s), 18 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表