Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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0 m5 l" c6 @# B# _* E/ cSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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+ r" p, {& q5 p- \7 m4 D8 [STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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, f- ]- S) _3 V5 M( S, L2 L2 fFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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9 ^$ V4 W: L6 U+ o& s! C" V* DCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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3 B, N9 `$ h3 F( |. _; |# qYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

6 \) A, ^# u0 N+ F1 P* B2 _1 fWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

# P6 I# J4 _$ R. z% t% t! zPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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* v2 [" i2 \  d0 A8 D( {5 OIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
0 N$ y8 L& l0 |& X! f8 O$ Q& B* j- cWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

( p9 V* E0 ~8 r% S& `                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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+ X& q2 f  L; bPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
2 Z8 J( e, W* u$ f+ [( O                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵