Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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; S" }8 A7 ^2 c! _" ^% @' PCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

% v6 d8 M2 o2 T9 m- T' Z, b8 FBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

$ S6 {6 A5 I- l; iSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

: \. |$ j  D7 D1 ]% RFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

3 E) {2 U4 g+ y6 SYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

1 j  B% S) ~" e  u- A6 \6 QWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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8 F3 n( y% q, S/ \PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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$ i. _9 ^2 z" Q! A/ o- w  dIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
/ f" b1 t( c, [: jBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
4 [0 N$ K6 V" v4 f) W( ]% b7 WBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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! @  @; D$ P% o1 W7 ~. o) u                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵