Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
( \5 B) Z- E1 r% Z( z& N: q3 wCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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7 `( ^* @* u5 G+ qBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
5 u+ `) {( S1 P  F+ X8 q2 zBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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5 b4 K  x' ~4 d# Q1 l* w* LVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

* P. d/ I! z9 e% X& IP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

0 M2 g8 J/ O! @( X/ @. r9 o5 ~BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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7 Z. D6 Z- s% C7 rSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

" x3 }0 X8 p, J: M% \5 WFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

  X# s! [* H/ `% w8 s- v1 b# iCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

) R4 }0 V9 M/ b! i2 h/ s4 h. b4 aINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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! V% G, u* E, f  LPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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# p" ^6 g* V3 z% u- x' ?If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
; V  W8 W1 d  J9 D* kWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
2 g% V( j$ A( R- f) x; u7 K9 UWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
, J7 z; L( E$ ]; P  \' `' r; y0 gBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
7 W, e0 u! T9 p5 }3 F' ]9 a' vBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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, L/ d; l  l3 s& u. ]. yWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
8 O& t* q" p; o: V: r. d                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵