Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

) Q, U) a. O$ u; aBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
3 V. m$ J4 j$ y# O& X2 [3 CBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

2 C, R! r) T7 Q9 [STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

3 }) {6 o' x, R% Q  @STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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5 n% A: j, m+ [% s* M' E/ ~MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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8 M) _6 C, t* T7 j. \) C9 p  KCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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* i: M& u# c+ L; @) R3 |, v8 ^YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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( w  F" f1 U* i; w& u# ?PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
6 ?; b1 Y  R/ @) A% O9 g# O1 lBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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# M2 V  ]4 j% C$ c% V  cWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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3 W0 T1 O. W: Q# y; P! Q- c- [Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵