Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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: C# ^% B& j$ C/ c  S$ fCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

) M# X2 K0 {# a) nBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
4 t: g  R5 T2 HBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

( w) F3 @0 ?3 }4 j0 I* X8 W3 gVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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( \5 T7 L8 C' D2 w$ ZP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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$ G' I; X5 T. A1 n1 `STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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% Y+ @$ R* Q$ G4 V/ f. FSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

# e: L% }7 l9 ]9 ^3 dFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

2 J/ e. y* i/ h' n7 U' I# N0 n: BMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

2 O& [0 y' j; @) p- ~, {. CCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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: I9 j! v$ ?1 N& E% g3 e, I- GWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

3 x6 i  Q3 r* L6 A4 R5 `3 \INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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7 z( e# g6 N* f" rPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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3 H! V; N8 U% A9 h) b" WIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
5 D* K2 c; i$ @4 q; B8 ]/ t5 nWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
4 G- f. ~/ S. `3 L% n; Y( yBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
2 j. N" \7 C* m( J  j+ F' G/ s                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵