To understand jokes

billzhao · 发表于 2019-5-10 08:40

本帖最后由 billzhao 于 2019-5-10 09:28 编辑

Understanding jokes in English requires more knowledge than the vocabulary themselves, such as culture, social norms, and social skills. One also needs to be able to understand double meanings of words, word play, and vague hints. In many cases, one also needs to be aware of some social subtleties or the way other people think.

It is wrongly assumed by native speakers that people who cannot understand jokes are dumb. They are unfairly taken as being autistics or having Asperberg's syndrome.

Reading or hearing more jokes will not only enlighten your day, but also make you smart, humorous, and captivating.

billzhao · 发表于 2019-5-10 08:41

A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.

Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!

billzhao · 发表于 2019-5-10 08:42

A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.
B: That's impossible. Whose baby?
A: An elephant's.

billzhao · 发表于 2019-5-10 08:42

"Am I the first man you have ever loved?" he said.
"Of course," she answered "Why do men always ask the same question?".

billzhao · 发表于 2019-5-10 08:44

A: I'm in a big trouble!
B: Why is that?
A: I saw a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
A: I don't have one.
B: Well then, buy one.
A: Can't afford one.
B: I can give you mine if you want.
A: That sounds good.
B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
A: I don't have any cheese.
B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
A: I don't have oil.
B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
A: I don't have bread.
B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?!

billzhao · 发表于 2019-5-10 08:45

A very drunk man comes out of the bar and sees another very drunk man.
He looks up in the sky and says, "Is that the sun or the moon?"
The other drunk man answers, "I don't know. I'm a stranger here myself."

billzhao · 发表于 2019-5-10 08:46

A man is talking to God.

The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."

billzhao · 发表于 2019-5-10 08:47

An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.
"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home."

billzhao · 发表于 2019-5-10 08:49

Why couldn't Cinderella be a good soccer player?

She lost her shoe, she ran away from the ball, and her coach was a pumpkin.

(Requires basic knowledge of the Cinderella story and that both ball and coach have double meanings.)

billzhao · 发表于 2019-5-10 09:00

Riddles of Alphabet

Q: What letter of the alphabet is an insect?
A: B. (bee)

Q: What letter is a part of the head?
A: I. (eye)

Q: What letter is a drink?
A: T. (tea)

Q: What letter is a body of water?
A: C. (sea)

Q: What letter is a pronoun like "you"?
A: The letter " I "

Q: What letter is a vegetable?
A: P. (pea)

Q: What letter is an exclamation?
A: O. (oh!)

Q: What letter is a European bird?
A: J. (Jay)

Q: What letter is looking for causes ?
A: Y. (why)

Q: What four letters frighten a thief?
A: O.I.C.U. (Oh I see you!)

Q: What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment but not once in a thousand years?
A: The letter "m".

Q: Why is the letter "T" like an island ?
A: Because it is in the middle of waTer.

Q: In what way can the letter "A" help a deaf lady?
A: It can make "her" "hear.

Q: Which is the loudest vowel?
A: The letter "I". It is always in the midst of noise

Q: What way are the letter "A" and "noon" alike?
A: Both of them are in the middle of the "day".

Q: Why is "U" the happiest letter?
A: Because it is in the middle of "fun".

Q: What word of only three syllables contains 26 letters?
A: Alphabet = (26 letters)

Q: What relatives are dependent on "you"?
A: Aunt, uncle, cousin. They all need "U".

Q: What is the end of everything?
A: The letter "g".

billzhao · 发表于 2019-5-10 09:02

Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?
Student: Obviously it is the past tense.

billzhao · 发表于 2019-5-10 09:02

Q: What has many keys but can't open any doors?
A: A piano.

Q: Who earns money driving their customers away?
A: A taxi driver.

billzhao · 发表于 2019-5-10 09:03

Q: What is orange and sounds like parrot?
A: A carrot

billzhao · 发表于 2019-5-10 09:05

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No idea.(No-eye deer)

billzhao · 发表于 2019-5-10 09:08

A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away. "What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse. "Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language."

bow-wow
/ˈbouˌwou/

an imitation of a dog's bark.

billzhao · 发表于 2019-5-10 09:11

You can't hang a man with a wooden leg,
You need a rope.

billzhao · 发表于 2019-5-10 09:14

My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
So I asked him "What was the name of his other leg?"

There is no name for the other leg. It's a joke based on a misplaced modifier - some words in a sentence that were in the wrong place, causing comic confusion.

One person says, "I once knew a man with a wooden leg named Mr. Smith." It sort of seems like the leg is named Mr. Smith, since the name is closer to "leg" than it is to "man".

But it's the MAN who's named Mr. Smith, not the leg. To avoid confusion, and to be grammatically correct, what he should have said was, "I once knew a man, named Mr. Smith, who had a wooden leg."

By saying "I once knew a man with a wooden leg named Mr. Smith", it causes the other person to wrongly think that the leg is named Smith, so he (perhaps jokingly) asks in response, "What was the name of his other leg?"

Get it?

billzhao · 发表于 2019-5-10 09:19

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"

One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

billzhao · 发表于 2019-5-10 09:30

Q: Why do prisoners like the punctuation marks period (.), exclamation point (!) and question mark (?) when they write?
A: Because each one marks the end of their sentence!

Explanation: If you have been convicted of a crime and sent to jail, your sentence is the time that you must stay in jail. Of course, everyone in jail awaits the end of their sentence so they can get out of jail.

The punctuation marks period, exclamation point and question mark are used to indicate the end of a sentence when writing. In writing, a sentence is a complete thought that can stand alone, typically including at least a subject and a verb (but there are exceptions).

This joke is funny because it plays with two meanings of the word sentence.

Speaking of sentences, watch this video for information about a different type of sentence, an interjection.

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