请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
; g0 z& d, J$ H; KBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
' F7 |" D! T# e6 ?5 BHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
  v5 ?, r1 {$ Q, U- zThanks a lot!!!
+ }+ k; s; Y5 \6 d2 ]- x; \
6 y/ r% ?8 B' n. C2 U4 }: J5 |. P
; L( n4 O3 _" D' u5 C: l& Q" `
7 Z  @, ]6 ?/ S+ B  w- v; D. a( h
; g4 w0 W- d  L1 g5 N0 {( G
7 S. a) Q& q0 Z. t$ v; n7 Y. z
$ ?% c+ {( r5 }' n4 r
7 ~$ u1 u# J/ o$ T$ A& X5 H1 _2 k1 fFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
7 Z" E* G( v: k4 {. h' o2 o/ P              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
5 O1 w$ ]' o6 ^2 B              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
# L+ ~. Z' I- v, a  \' {% b1 I              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
( c& w: I) V; _( p  V: J             somehow I lost myself inside again
" s& w( J: e5 T7 p7 l* rNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
+ C$ W7 y% m: Y7 C8 j             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
' E  f9 C% h( J- L" DFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
$ R8 M5 |8 i5 C; Y               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
* G: H2 d, _; o- g- {; v6 U  `But........         
" g/ j" z6 y/ `9 B/ L/ @* zIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
+ l5 p4 _4 C# Y2 t/ ^2 N7 H  ^7 {) o& H
卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
8 f9 [1 X" f) `& X) \
$ R' U- S) A/ h0 ?6 I; e  H

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
# ^$ [0 H# [0 ]Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
3 D& [( j3 H3 o- }Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
' f" c( O: i/ u3 V0 T! D  C% C3 USomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
- v5 {3 Z! k6 E4 n' vSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
7 K( @" ]6 P: w" p+ a3 z
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
5 S% M1 h8 @$ N, L- e0 v9 q) q* Z2 SSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
. C' c3 r# D" n6 D
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
# \; B  R- H$ H: PSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
2 e; y% j7 C5 l' D8 ~  JSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
  }4 J, s. @% mHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
5 g/ O% f% ]6 U7 N# R
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
9 Z4 T- P+ L% u/ f/ p  M$ ?6 [/ z=====================================================================
( L) W8 A% u1 a/ c# |% k  zsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

1 b2 K! B* b1 ]& q4 L哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？