请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
  @2 m+ ?! Y' g4 e2 n: [) iBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
8 N! ^' V6 Y6 @5 MThanks a lot!!!

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& F" Y9 J/ X; r3 p


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& a/ A$ W& v+ J% T2 \, F/ CFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
: E* m0 ^' F* K; b9 X: A" m* r# o              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
- A  `: b) Z2 ?/ f2 B$ B( f              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
( x- X  f& c8 S: g" ]- C# |3 i              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
* F0 l6 L% T" {! \              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
+ P8 x# N% o# P0 p" l( A/ i              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
6 {& ~, d0 I1 IHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
7 k0 h2 G# q7 R2 B2 y9 S. s3 M1 [             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
% L+ {) \2 i9 J! Z- k. P: U4 gNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
( I& D8 J$ |/ C             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
& R. V/ Z5 u7 k               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
8 V+ v, e' z5 K9 R; p$ S0 bBut........         
$ [: n$ `5 ]1 k: S( xIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

0 T6 E5 @8 F9 Z3 x7 ~卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
8 N( x7 n9 D9 A# `( zSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
' [. ~$ e# k  l2 h" [. r- TSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
6 Q" ~; @) G/ ]" f' t, ISomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
8 N- j& M* ^  P0 R
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
; K: V$ D* F9 w8 l" L1 c  u) x, QSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
! @0 E8 R* |9 N9 \1 N3 hSomehow I lost myself inside it again

6 p) D( Z$ G* [: ?+ MSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
6 v9 g! c+ f1 \& [================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
# z/ O, _% [0 G  i" D3 psomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

0 V% v$ f: _; b) @) F# r4 p哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？