请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
/ |: Z# {, s* A' z- E" M4 b2 VBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
+ A: P: z1 j! V. ?! @5 qHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!


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: p4 X: \: f1 I7 u8 O" }
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2 {& y2 w; P- _% I& Y" VFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
9 q1 b0 i+ S- L# D3 X              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
2 E# G2 I/ x  A3 |; \& h; @              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
0 ^  B( d1 G' c- G' K  wHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
* w3 u3 ?* |; t' t! X/ b. g/ c             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
) f7 e" j" }% g6 D9 `& M$ X$ w' I* qNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
+ \' H% j. i. V. F9 ]+ t/ v             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
' ^/ C7 E5 k7 |& L/ w1 d0 e5 A( Q& {Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
4 f5 |" o2 f/ L               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
; O7 N; z' S! \9 t% y6 n8 bBut........         
" Q( r3 O1 }6 L$ R) B2 l+ S- Y/ Y4 gIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
0 U  W/ B1 N" c$ }. w- w0 Q; lSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
' f' O( M$ I: P5 NSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
7 ]! W* K- L( W5 ASomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
' g/ s+ s  h5 p7 B* ], @% _4 d
2 ~! x# ^; j, w7 c! d3 k- v: mSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
6 G- t6 ]( |' N5 V3 uSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
/ n+ y+ b% f# d" ^9 f4 P+ YSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
  d" z& _$ B( nSomehow I lost myself inside it again

) R* M  `5 ]' Z9 \9 xSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
( x6 q2 X  A/ j: vSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

6 u& z9 c5 ~4 @2 Hsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
; ]7 Z9 ?5 t7 X$ M  @; `=====================================================================
9 Z+ u( D1 G( g+ _$ }; `$ Xsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
6 F- B4 D1 ^* h4 t* x! i5 Q9 q, }我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？