请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
/ z4 F' L- j+ kHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
. y; Y5 f0 o# e1 Y: E6 m% v% o              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
/ p3 q6 B9 e4 s: h  }0 U              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
2 ~6 p% Y. N' CHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
- n) P! L# ^, u! g& `! E* s. Z             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
5 V2 M! l( I! ^' F. k2 O2 [) E             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
( Z& T6 A, d4 }9 O0 v+ G8 r" |             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
  P1 w2 Q) J, k" b/ Q( E& s             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
: j: A' K) N  f1 C8 H: I  HFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
8 P* j6 k4 s- j7 q, v5 s& o! QBasically, I almost finish this poem
/ S* ~0 K- R& h7 O. `) ?               I am 一个人de精彩
% F  g4 r( q1 ~; R8 z: [7 ~$ G               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
( G  l5 x6 z0 h+ x+ g' D3 NIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
/ Y3 x# I! K& o" D: L3 F  kSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
! T8 K* l* u# W( q3 L6 QSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
: b: u  B5 l1 o" z/ W' L. nSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
; p2 z5 z4 p3 _) x, t9 a) oSomehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
" ]' M- Y. B# oSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
) O# l9 ^- X4 V& N& D3 v& NSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
5 W% P( c# l: i& ]6 lSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

5 C3 a6 n  g, V/ c. v- asomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
) ^9 ^4 m: M& M4 b7 j' z0 z=====================================================================
8 G' M1 W  K" p- Y( b. x8 D3 rsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
9 k- k9 |  ~0 C+ u& V6 R+ K我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？