请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
( ]! O. ~$ I, j5 Z0 I( RThanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
1 W, b+ _! ~0 F              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
' D6 [  W7 m- A9 U              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
, Q* l& ^9 |, L% ?( p. P              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
$ x: [( Y9 c! T; u) ~- z0 E) d4 r             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
3 p5 f7 h7 q# e7 N8 [: o             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
* M$ [: a% @8 j8 B$ ~7 ]9 DFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
1 }$ ~: `- E4 I6 R               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
; S5 E3 U  x* Q5 F$ a' J3 OIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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4 F, X" D7 M% R' ~+ {1 O卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
9 F2 g! M$ _4 g; LSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
1 A( R5 k: k% J; o6 ^8 ISomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
! [: V: d7 j1 w5 a4 ?Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
& ~8 K3 Y) k6 P9 @* U9 D1 R
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
  f2 L$ e, H2 l! f% o1 K6 m; oSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
2 k5 K$ a  \  k2 V
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
, e+ ]) G$ n6 H1 Y5 h* ISomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
- A+ O8 A5 c. L' W4 @' fSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
; N$ B' ~" e: M7 E+ F( w3 r" ySomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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* ~" [; }! W" x0 g- h8 |somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
+ Y0 h9 `; ^- ?8 w' C& y$ v我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

+ b* }; W) m: ]/ I: v7 P4 j哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？