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WEEK AT THE GYM

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发表于 2008-1-22 12:49 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
If you read this without laughing out-loud, there is something
# X) ^) E4 l; n# b1 v6 ?# l$ qwrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get
3 G0 W0 `3 f0 b8 F3 Ninto a regular workout routine.5 z# q) d" W1 v8 \% s) t
+ p" a( Q' f, V' t% p, Z5 S% Z
Dear Diary:
) o8 I& W" r% I) @7 ^
  y& \6 s* L! L% e; `For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a
0 n+ X7 A- m- _) h" h( a* C3 c9 [1 yweek of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I+ W7 F1 J2 _' H2 D
am still in great shape since playing on my college football team 25
% D9 r# K( G! g  F" ~; i9 @years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a$ u- f! {; F# j% N2 m3 b
try. I called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer2 V) O8 p4 q! C8 g) W4 U6 K. G
named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26 yr. old aerobics+ [7 q- j9 G* u8 q3 b; N9 C+ d
instructor and model for athletic clothing and swimwear.1 w; |- i. k! f" i& _/ U& U
4 v' e7 q9 h* E: g, d+ V
My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club
( w2 |. ]4 ~- g! xencouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.9 r0 ?: V7 V0 J& R5 N: ?
* ]0 y6 P- @' a: X' ]
MONDAY:, T. y  U/ H8 y3 [% x7 P9 ?$ ]
) o7 J! d3 z: J
Started my day at 6 am. Tough to get out of bed, but it was well: k/ P0 x( \. Q$ W" R
worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for0 y: r# x$ E& m) n1 Z& S3 `& h! [, W
me. She was something of a Greek goddess-- with blonde hair, dancing
# N! E# X) R' s& F; F) ]( {8 X/ Meyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!!!!
2 O" `2 ?( w* A8 M3 B9 I8 b! a. h+ T6 K! U
She took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed; Z4 |1 R/ K2 s* i
that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her
! X" ^, U! }, v  }) v1 d2 \1 iin her Lycra aerobics outfit. I enjoyed watching the skilful way in: A8 w& C' r7 B( V
which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today.
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: W& H3 u0 u# J& c* iVery inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups,
+ c% V  e$ ^! E0 [; C. Dalthough my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she
" E+ B* x' U$ X9 [7 h& ~was around.
/ {7 A8 P) N+ ~: S0 g& O* Q& B! r$ l+ C
This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!6 n8 R$ ]# t3 _- q9 @9 `

" p& J+ d4 h3 y9 \1 g7 DTUESDAY:  D" ]& C; U4 \
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door." r- d. D0 c$ Y" B* T
Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air,; G5 ~& y4 A4 f: }/ H. u, |8 V
and then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the# |3 W+ C" e2 f; F4 e3 f
treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it0 m+ l! y8 ^& v4 d
all worthwhile.) c6 a5 T4 z9 m( o
" X: c4 Z4 F+ d  I
I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.
% o' D. R1 p  J& r1 y
4 H- O& }+ P( Z6 a( n' {) E$ a5 \% i. [WEDNESDAY:
  Y8 q4 L8 _2 M9 t( v3 JThe only way I can brush my teeth is by lying on the toothbrush on( e) w( q3 _% `5 T* t8 j% p& x7 e
the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have. n, G2 G7 r3 l& H, T) D
a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was okay as long as I didn't try to
/ u9 r+ U& g9 L& c' r% v0 {4 [steer or stop. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams  s7 X5 c% a3 }9 j
bothered the other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for
4 E# ~* i# n3 k- a. p# v4 Z0 `5 @early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine
8 L* p6 E& _' m0 s) Kthat is VERY annoying. My chest hurts when I got on the treadmill, so
* M( G- D( Q2 ]& b- ^: w1 NBelinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a0 N5 d/ y  f% J* S0 k
machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda
+ q7 q+ z% R# U9 t: @told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life.
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She said some other shit too.2 s  ?8 a: @9 F8 O  l( Y
! D7 t9 R9 o4 x- u. r
THURSDAY:
6 m( o7 ~1 {( ~) ?  F: @Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as
- _2 }/ k' X3 ~" L9 y/ w+ S4 k) Qher thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help. L  X6 n4 x( R3 C5 o, G
being a half hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda' s' I+ H" X$ e% c1 |! L
took me to workout with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and
! Q( t* I# D5 y: @" Whid in the men's room.
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She sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing4 @* T0 j0 R" I$ \- O
machine -- which I sank./ |. }  U, w* }0 p  Q

) c! C" {: ~( A5 N" |" zFRIDAY:
, [9 N5 M% G2 Y$ OI hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated
% b5 }& S+ G, A, `1 c3 Gany other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny,/ T- I( u% u/ c( C
anemic little cheerleading bitch. If there were a part of my body I# P3 k7 m% O/ a6 H5 }0 N  D
could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda7 f& ^2 d3 o% z
wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps!2 m/ r1 v) q& I/ b( a  ^8 E: `
  y# t5 w+ r- o- g5 M. F) r3 `
And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me9 G9 L. O. b" T4 P- G
the*&%#(#&** barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.; o- l6 l7 z2 t" L2 k( s2 S, M
$ v) N8 W, I% W! m9 \: n% P
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition
/ [, _+ N0 x  H4 t& h4 oteacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach
; H1 E1 N& X3 m7 G5 S, Kor the choir director?# P, V% m5 \' L4 ~
! E) a. R7 u: v( [1 {
SATURDAY:
& {& v& y8 K: t# v7 `Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating,& z8 N" j  b* K, ~- C& t7 Q* s& {, Z
shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her# F! G0 G# ^+ r+ c" l1 P4 R* k
made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the
. F/ a) `# f: {& I- I4 [( I: ostrength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight5 X% w4 R% F1 h. p
hours of the Weather Channel.8 O# B% q9 L% M! O7 e7 z
* |: Y, x. L$ l( S
SUNDAY:
  Z/ A* C& u6 @, O  M1 ~& S8 BI'm having the church van pick me up for services today so I can go
5 G! H6 k& T  g& l+ vand thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year,7 N$ n  Y: u" B; D) J6 |
my wife (the other bitch), will choose a gift for me that is fun --like( q: L, C* v- S5 k. I
a root canal or a vasectomy!
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发表于 2008-1-22 13:23 | 显示全部楼层
You are absolutely wrong! But my stomach hurts because I can't laugh out loud in the office... oh good lord...
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发表于 2008-1-23 17:17 | 显示全部楼层
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发表于 2008-1-23 18:53 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
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发表于 2008-1-23 19:07 | 显示全部楼层
root canal, I almosted end up getting one last year. Thanks to the dentist.
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