办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
8 [( _8 j8 D% |/ ^2 Y& i7 C3 q0 y+ y1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
, d$ {0 o; x, T1 @; l7 iWe will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
" Z  l, n+ P& P2 \Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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* n' F! A# \# }Bereavement Leave:
; ~6 a  U3 x; d) J1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
# z3 P! o; H2 U% _4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
5 |  |% S+ b- l  |% E9 h2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
! B$ L5 P; u% I; j: E: K3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
* l& q' t* M0 C4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
, ?4 z$ H$ `$ i& f. Y3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
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5 c! R! s% f+ S6 p+ e9 \Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

: V3 x+ }) d" X) q; F' ^/ |The Management
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8 M+ D' _' G! T. S) K! vPass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.