办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
6 u: w0 u" Y8 e+ A0 ^: e* }: _8 x1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
- A1 G% c$ \: G: d# [( Y0 |, f2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

) F9 ^% S4 {/ r: r4 |1 {1 Y% l% [7 SSick Days:
& y- B% ]9 S) R! ?9 v" RWe will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
. P- a& h8 c  X. F) N
2 U6 {) {( I, Q+ @) z6 m! U1 }; }Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

8 B; y# B/ x0 I6 ~4 d, GBereavement Leave:
" U, P- F# S, X: d5 \1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
, {- V1 b( c/ k5 y6 O( E, d2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
4 J9 l/ A: F# k4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
/ y6 B9 o( o, p6 ?1 P
: W: k) A) U; ^7 e& M6 tBathroom Breaks:
1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
+ \4 m- u: R7 Q% `4 q2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
7 |1 Y: [: N& L$ \4 q+ k- M+ |6 X1 ?4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
! T1 o+ N3 N! F  |; C  f3 O
Lunch Break:
* u0 c0 ?3 f5 S7 T" }" t+ }3 d1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
: s) {' Y1 ]* B9 J- v! ^2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
2 i3 M* R; J8 t& J; x2 P3 B7 |3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
3 u% U7 d. }3 F' U" e4 {
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

" K4 r7 |+ b3 V) I; b0 n& Q; ^1 fThe Management
2 p: |$ i. Q! K4 T" J
4 e" {0 K. _" q/ ~$ P8 nPass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.