办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
9 O" ~8 [: j/ E  ?* I2 C4 U. d1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

8 f% B1 A& h6 b5 i, H3 wSick Days:
5 Q% V! b( U. W. C! aWe will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
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Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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Bereavement Leave:
7 H& ]; Z, V6 F1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
" x+ i8 J" d7 w, B3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
/ v8 L$ M1 G$ [7 v3 a4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
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" J; F  `( t& V+ `* d* }Bathroom Breaks:
1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
. @  I( \! ]7 j3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
& F; T; ]/ N& M( q- A1 ^4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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0 @+ b" y3 i" z% YLunch Break:
1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
0 l( A) p% [/ L2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
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2 D7 W) [5 Y7 i% R0 HThe Management
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4 o5 O8 I# D8 H# p, L$ CPass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.