weekend happyness

ares4p

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new
BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a
4 X. S+ u7 ]3 q% r% ~5 WBroni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window
! h! o* q# o% D% m# Iand asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your
2 l7 G9 E: D1 ]1 Gflock, will you give me one?"

/ _2 ?, ?5 W3 u) e; {The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his
peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."
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6 U9 E+ h% \) c4 N- t& e% n2 IThe yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a
: ]. T7 n$ u( O6 i+ G# D3 \cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a
GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database
2 `( l, a! C1 nand an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his
Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out
a 130 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and
7 {& j. f6 q" e5 qsays,"You have exactly 1586 sheep".

  q3 W& J/ X$ x0 K; }) f"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.
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He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his
car.
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Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business
1 L2 K% ^/ U" n2 a% Jis, will you give me back my animal?"

) ~- T/ d. ]. n* O* ?0 _8 {"OK, why not" answered the young man.
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' F7 B8 X# M; l) i" O& i& e8 @/ `"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.

: W! l! O7 R# N# ~$ X/ Y  C"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

8 |! ?3 S+ m3 }1 I"No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although
nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a
) H9 U; V: L4 xquestion I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.... Now give
me back my dog".

ares4p

a woman walks into a supermarket, and notices a male customer whose zipper is
7 w, u3 Y7 y6 o0 P8 U4 mundone. The woman kindly says" excuse me sir,but your barracks doors are open".
- I( V3 R8 h8 V8 fNot having a clue what the woman was talking about he continued shopping. A few
% z0 P) d9 h: L6 Vmoments later another customer approached the man and explained that his zipper
was undone. The man zipped up and continued his shopping. At the checkout he ran
/ Z! B+ a7 R  Q* r9 qinto the woman who originally informed him of his zipper.He decides to play into
' X0 [: r$ u6 k6 ^5 bher unusual comment; "excuse me maam, when you noticed my barracks door was
; ^+ y) H, G' t5 i0 jopen, did you happen to see a soldier standing at full attention?" The woman
responded by saying " no, all i saw was a disabled vet sitting on two duffle
bags"

ares4p

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons,
! a! ~' C# s( Y. E7 y6 g* xwhere they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.

$ F& {( G# v4 U+ ZThe first man married a nurse.

Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy.
Nurses are known to be hot to trot".

8 W& T! l' u% LThe second man married a telephone operator.

% H/ A% Z* \( l7 C1 I/ \& _+ a+ ZDave showed them to their room and thought to himself,?Wow, he's a lucky one.
Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top
5 w$ p6 C1 S9 c! |/ L% ]% P0 vbutton...A-bomb.?
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  d* j% e7 X- N: i* K! z2 ]The third man married a school teacher.
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Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty
& J1 _# n- l. mbut teachers are just too frigid".

& Z5 |2 f  w" r* D1 uThe next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected
4 S5 P% X. F) F+ x# Monly the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two
. k  L' |+ i* D% P% T. H- Z6 zwould call much later in the day.

5 @8 W* o- O8 T: o! gAt 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The
1 s+ O/ K0 A. e: v& N' |3 unurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's
pajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.
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Dave asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse.
& `" [' |, X' y; {. V
/ [# ~( A  V3 ^) M1 G0 q+ C, GThe man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night
was her nagging voice saying, 揧ou抮e not sanitary, and you抮e not sanitary."
( p& Z% q: j; c& a3 U8 s! w6 {
At 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.
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The telephone operator's husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast
as possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back
. }! `4 S7 q4 S% b4 ]in shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.
( ~2 ~" h! C7 m, }; a9 u/ r
! `+ w" a% n8 o3 Z2 I2 DDave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as
) {& _  B# [- K, r$ l, D% ]their voices."

* \! J1 {7 q( I& C% MThe man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I
heard last night was her nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes are up, your
/ Z- \/ o/ J) Hthree minutes are up."

& ^- O# Q1 h1 J; W. T7 [# |; SDave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teacher抯 husband would be
calling any minute.

9 p2 l; x6 f0 r! w+ ^Finally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.
1 c9 u( Q7 D" h6 _" E; e$ f" ^: w2 o4 X$ V
$ O2 T5 ?, z5 k6 W& _0 ?Dave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couple抯 room. The
man opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only
6 n* O3 |# Q7 X+ Y# a5 ghis boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and
8 P# F' b' |+ ]5 U( S) ?* Slegs.
) a  @# {1 T7 T4 P' k4 e+ e
Joe fearing the worst asked 揥hat happened to you? Did you have a
$ q8 q* i) E# b4 bfight?"

( I& t. f) e" ]3 |. q0 a' K6 ^The man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry
a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We
are going to do this over and over, until we get right."

billzhao

good job! thanks for sharing