Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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/ F" H: s+ g2 y% q8 M; ?& k- R" U0 R* yCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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1 ]/ J; w) k8 i7 V: ^BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

* c5 N1 c9 t' J6 lP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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8 o, Z, f* f7 k" YFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

% o% H9 D# Q( g+ t' oMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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. O( \" n$ C9 F, k' oYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

/ a* |& X, b5 o& O' \WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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2 p: g0 [( N$ Q5 [9 k4 YIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
( k' ?) I4 \6 bWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
* e8 T) U9 G8 SWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
) u" ^5 b0 S6 {3 g- i  h, mBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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. B$ C# _) O( X/ {/ e: I                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵