Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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4 G* m9 Y& e! ~- Q- _CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
" \+ b3 H  G/ sCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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$ ~) X, _2 j3 R% w* M/ g/ \4 ^3 OVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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$ t" S5 |  Z$ B2 T. l: A% yBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

0 S4 }1 K& c8 ?, B+ {STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

3 [( _; a- J/ D) Z9 ~/ |; R& G7 RSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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( K$ J9 V, k  x8 E, Z- s, ^' ]MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

9 e3 V# D, X! w5 T5 u* r+ n$ DCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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3 g& h: W1 g$ _: lINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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1 s/ e& c. V/ e$ C+ H5 o( XPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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& V) ?' }1 {2 A4 K8 \+ G5 |2 G2 ?If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
0 i# q& e0 I  q. ], BWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
. k8 q( Q9 X. V2 i7 @* ]2 v' M0 q3 |With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
2 x' Z1 [; N6 eBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
2 _' Q5 H- ]% lBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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( V* d8 U" F( h$ }* \2 V& S1 XWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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" T) H1 `7 E" B8 D/ x6 h                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵