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* A5 a' Y. ?. L/ R! VCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
8 j. |, H8 T" N$ ECFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. 4 P- G R3 }7 J M2 _ L
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. : G, x+ s; K( k o& f @, ^
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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; Z6 @# n, s0 X; q/ ^BROKER -- What my broker has made me. , ~7 t( P% M$ H1 Y
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. 5 h: t1 u$ { E
/ @1 j7 t( I( tSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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7 G& b2 I, j: g C! T# ~& wSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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- u1 O8 u) g4 Q; TMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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, Q# q/ _( F X1 G `0 i8 P( ACASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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4 M, R9 ~1 Z6 X" ^# r( d1 R( dINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. + B8 u- e2 p0 W z
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
6 \$ [& S4 W4 x; u# bWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000." z' T% _ O# D9 s; E0 r
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.2 y, ]' a9 G4 }+ w: [* [
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
1 z; O1 p7 Z2 `9 bBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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2 C/ j1 g, H3 r1 I+ S. S% B+ p A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.+ a& J- x3 H' c7 B
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common... 7 x- X, D* s' Z# q
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...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
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狗仔卡
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26
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