Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
: w9 M, G9 N& L$ _% F
+ e  x. }. m2 B' `  ]1 @; W8 ZCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
4 V# h; M- t$ y( M3 F6 ^BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

5 Z( H) e! j5 h+ Q6 wVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
% o, x2 M& R* O  ?
; [0 H  I9 R- U# w! V* HP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

# G/ K# y/ R8 z" P0 ?* ?' ^$ x+ ~BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

6 o0 x& b- h! r+ @0 xSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
0 |/ Y" L5 ^: M$ e& A
  L1 e" F, k! }# q: N9 L3 NSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

) v- s& k: M) O' e6 X5 K9 c0 j1 fSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

% V: F0 K' o/ y+ u4 dFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
4 a# c. T5 }% D# E
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
2 y) o! t6 G' I4 I0 x' l
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
' E; N$ Z( _2 v$ ^2 f5 A+ H
$ j6 e# G: {% U2 x  N3 oINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
: N# B; N1 G3 g8 e+ D# _
* c  K" d* l$ v  @% |% G```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
% o1 c% q! e. J- I; J1 W. YWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
4 B+ q" ~3 I+ J. Y9 a3 ABut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
2 O; [0 i* x9 P! ~3 {. Q6 U
8 {2 N! P. {1 ?& K. w9 z`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
- T$ J6 o# r# }4 ?) U% `
$ y" v: W/ _; h! J6 ?" J* Q, OWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
- M; b# j2 ^- Z$ }
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
# t! u; \9 m9 [- F0 Y1 r% s$ ?4 ~Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
) _3 j2 z0 b$ D8 j8 ~+ g( J  v  n     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵