Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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# R& b, a4 h* W: Q" kCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
2 p4 Q- }5 T4 m; \. ?, SCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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) L. E+ E4 U9 E; sBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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- F) P* r5 A% Y( C) rBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

2 _9 `, D) f0 |, ], V" b( wSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

3 q& W  C9 x4 i# yFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

" j( J5 S* P) h4 eYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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* d7 E: w4 k* f% y" @) M& rINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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5 b$ z! L" E" oPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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# p) O4 A! t! o9 G& {# V! rIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
( n/ c6 ]* ]0 R9 j# c) B- I& [) Y( S8 lWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
  \6 ^  d7 j, WWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
7 v3 K1 I0 c2 ~( ~9 _; c  _6 X! uBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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' `, @2 X6 G* U& X& O6 k4 JWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
- V6 w! W2 [& g9 x6 J4 ]( G                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵