我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

我在故我思

Falling in love

" j- u' v$ i8 @! {I fell in love with you
At the first week we met
3 {8 _5 o3 E7 i/ Y
You have charm, you have looks
$ D" h4 M& R1 h! G+ iwith full of pimples in face
As spotting sky at a summer night
# U$ C+ P! U# \1 y' c' N, fThey are shining stars

Your lip is so big
And that’s good for a kiss
Your body is chubby
And that is good for sex

I was deeply in love
& Y7 r4 W8 c6 j$ p- S4 }Everything from you is positive
8 A+ ~0 e; y9 S" bYou blame me everything and everyday
" ^7 L% K/ ]& d! M* G4 S: rAnd I think all girls sound like

You could not stand my eating
Saying no good for making funny sound
' Q. E" G1 m( Q0 g9 Q( y/ \, EI think you are perfectly right
Eating with sound is a pig
& S! a- g% H. q" A
* \, Z: Y$ n3 g& W( |, Y/ DI fell in love with you
Become a fool to think
7 l, y5 d* T# z" M" N! `3 HAll trouble things you did
And that is the price for love

, F4 A, ?" X8 I  {* v- zyou are deeply in love
) T# ?* ~# a- z/ t5 g  x$ cEverything from me is negative
. y$ e' K4 \4 ~; A- M9 g"My man should be like this,
and I am helping you to improve'

, t3 t, w- g: A& }3 W3 oYou are loving me
' k& D' ]7 C6 l' v- J( Cor that one in your mind?
My mind is like a mud
can be shaped whatever you want
2 i1 s! B0 }, A! d9 w
/ x; S* L* ~% D- o4 z8 {3 W4 ?unfortunalety not my heart
. {! w/ h4 @6 KIt is slashed by you
and I am seriously hurt
+ z3 m/ l* H' @' M, q, k5 e* Z$ p
I will never love another
If my heart can be fixed

冰山上的来客

my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

米兔丫

这个，能不能叫情人眼里出西施，连小痘痘都升级作STAR了＝。＝

犀牛图拉

我在故我思

原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表
& p3 o3 h+ g. Z  H$ d% w; Vmy english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧

肆贰叁

配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了，呵呵

我在故我思

楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?

raymont

强！强！强！SEX!SEX!SEX!
) \7 B, I/ G8 O不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人，对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦！顶一下。

therainbow

sweeite,
1 U5 n- N4 d' V$ h/ oi am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
% v( ~% E9 j8 l3 [/ ^) oAnd this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed

8 a  _% R8 q/ z; W: iwith the charm,
, O1 \4 X# P7 @; C8 c% ^# awith the simles.
; Q$ L2 M7 ]0 ~3 y# TI fell in love with you
0 ]( {9 u1 O4 s. E4 G; sIn the first sign.
As spotting sky at a summer

Your lip is so soft
there is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss
( d9 q1 j1 Y& R+ k3 hYour body is so sexy
+ J5 L% ]$ J: kAnd I cannt image the moment I  touch u.

I am deeply in love
Everything from you is so charming
2 v# {0 t& h4 n" N/ H' @although You r so picky for me
1 P, B7 A' p4 w- uAnd I take them as ur buttefly feelings.

therainbow

THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
But u can copy the way how she ranges the poem
  s/ f& j& p" B4 j+ x
; i' b9 j( E5 G
! Z: d3 M4 s  W. B- ~His hello is the end of her endings
) R& s2 w. |4 }( ]) M3 g0 S9 {( t3 fHer laugh is their first step down  the aisle
& l1 k% }! ?+ T' `His hand would be hers to hold forever
3 Z6 Y. }+ F( b+ f1 FHis forever is simply as her smile
7 v: }4 I) [! l2 pHe said she was what was missing
She said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
% }% d: C' D5 S. a9 a* V$ M  p; NAnd his answer is
8 F% E7 O) {3 j4 F) NI do

我在故我思

Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas
. S7 U& r$ `# t# _3 A
0 r! f4 \& _9 J! i$ h! s" cBelow is my new one, any comment?

我在故我思

It’s amazing how I felt
  N; y! R( f3 ^2 L% X3 g6 T2 Y, C
It's amazing how I felt
when I was with you
8 p  t, S5 \# Y. X7 n1 S: bMy heart beat so fast
. j' U) `: N, `( G* H/ VI looked at you and thought
4 r4 }) S7 f8 {* EHoly Jesus, you were so cute

! k. V5 j, }. D% sYou left me without a word
4 C! T& u2 d9 ]8 m. z# fI have nothing except my emptiness
4 ]! a! \- o( V! uMy mood is like a cloud
# a5 N, a+ L3 @& ^- u; R0 H* ^$ hHow could it be dispersed?
! u5 Y' a/ Y" c" w
6 ^% a6 @& B5 rFeelings bite my heart
' C  B9 C& V, F/ MYou are the right one I wait
0 A+ w& Q& Y9 ]- ^: s/ W) |# @In the depth of my soul
I will love you till I'm dead

therainbow

闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
( m, |1 Q2 s8 Y就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
% L2 |# ~* h$ k7 A0 t, X你让我脸发热
' h. a$ }! ?( Z  ?. y  o我爱上你的大嘴唇
XXXXX
不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?

. X9 u  y* C; C2 k* x" a! Z% c如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER
3 x( t: b3 {% b; l" J) h至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西

蓝言雪

楼主的湿，绝对要赞一个，那叫做雷死人不要钱！强就一个字！！！！

我在故我思

原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表
闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
. m8 j% }! Y5 L2 y. i& z) B你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
" r$ c9 E5 u3 A7 F. N( F9 W' L( B' F你让我脸发热
% ^# R0 N- v) K; Z5 v我爱上你的大嘴唇
$ {5 Q# m8 W6 J( vXXXXX
不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...

8 O1 _5 ?5 `9 p靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?

therainbow

恩,我无语了

ram

这也叫诗,勇气大大的.

费莫

Match the following Song! Casablanca.
+ B; _  M! J* s" f3 X' g8 e- k

爱中成长

竟陵残雪

码字能连句，转行也成诗。。。