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Job Description - Parent

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鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-24 11:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
POSITION:8 b/ l3 g4 D% R* V$ i$ b: x
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
8 x. N) t6 a# ~1 c6 V3 [: s' ?Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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3 `3 p1 f) {* |1 g- X% p* \JOB DESCRIPTION:
8 E" S5 d# t0 ]0 @/ dLong term, team players needed for challenging,1 @, z) e! T1 q' m' ]

: U, l- u3 b1 w- _permanent work in an often chaotic environment. # ?8 w2 _5 ]% F- P' c
Candidates must possess excellent communication / t3 b. p  i/ R( b/ x; E1 U
and organizational skills and be willing to work
& b0 K' s% E, z. yvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends 9 [3 w. i# a) `! P
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. 6 i% W' z7 w  k% u* v
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
# i) z& R% T0 X: u, U& ~primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
+ ], g& N; `. v! p& i% rendless sports tournaments in far away cities!
. W) q, X' V. O- ^Travel expenses not reimbursed.
5 b# F7 ]" }) r: N* wExtensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
- V+ O2 u; k2 Y$ T7 O5 G6 PThe rest of your life.
, P5 K2 {3 a. {5 h# [Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
9 Y+ {/ Q! C# s+ wuntil someone needs $5.
0 u0 y: O9 T% Y) u6 v2 M" s* nMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
( K! R2 y/ x! n! y$ N6 U0 C& LAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule 2 r! t- W4 V/ R8 i$ a" X# R# i
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat ! J0 K; K; g! k3 {& y4 N
in case, this time, the screams from # C7 @  u2 B+ u6 A. `# Y1 Y
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
$ B( U2 r+ }9 g! SMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, * e: p5 X7 [6 _! I5 \- w/ @" z& Q
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets 3 F; m; `1 f* H! T1 |
and stuck zippers. 7 }( Z1 N* Z# y- z$ a' s& ?4 ^
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and ; o1 W9 T! A' t0 X7 m' K& j' |- x
coordinate production of multiple homework projects. ) Q9 }+ {2 `3 l1 Z3 S9 H$ Q( L
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. 6 f) B: Z$ \6 l8 ]4 t% p) f
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, $ j  k' B1 n* T* b5 g
an embarrassment the next.
& M% o0 c& I: ^& mMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a
  B5 z; q% l0 Ghalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
, X" N4 J5 W1 nMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. " i/ O$ |! G; l/ V1 ]3 g  H# f, r
Must assume final, complete accountability for
1 A/ X' t/ @/ B. Bthe quality of the end product.
# I* z2 O# j/ L& Z: ?" S, FResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
: z! S2 o1 b5 f$ _4 B/ xjanitorial work  throughout the facility. 7 s3 P) R% u$ a. K/ b" s+ D6 W) G

/ F, z5 w7 T/ Q1 T3 {0 @% pPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
7 d7 `$ z* h/ c" mNone. ; G% w0 ~9 E5 k4 i9 K( u+ ]
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, * K6 W, x( Z" s! ]' l
without complaining,constantly retraining and 2 l) t/ M) h  |3 l" G% L' V
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
( D3 q) ?3 [$ _7 O% W) vcan ultimately surpass you.
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8 E7 r6 t' i) c: q3 B. y
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: + K' ~+ d% k, Q8 n5 H
None required, unfortunately. 6 f/ g2 _5 G3 f
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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7 x$ w( S" U3 ^. d9 xWAGES AND COMPENSATION: 9 a: M' o: Q" s
Get this! You pay them!
$ T; X: X# f/ Z' [/ u% vOffering frequent raises and bonuses.
1 H& ~- ]) G9 pa balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because $ v4 P1 H$ x( c5 t/ T
of the assumption that college will help them
3 T# k0 Z9 p8 E# ~$ ?1 E- v9 V9 Y+ q) Dbecome financially independent.
- o1 w8 e8 `" l5 c# z8 j4 vWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
1 o+ X9 M: f" \/ ]$ h& uThe oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
- q! T  T8 L9 u9 z- A2 m' ^6 Yyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
; ]  a1 b2 }6 w4 \. M4 `' [% v$ N2 W. I( @0 ~. [2 ?2 T2 H
BENEFITS: " H( w( f+ k) L2 ~/ Y) e
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, % W) v* r+ v% p7 M1 ?
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
* J9 E- D& k9 b. ?( a3 _( R# p# Hno stock options are offered,  D; k, S! j9 p0 i( o  b
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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; r" I1 b2 y5 s6 o: I/ S! Ounconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
4 c: o4 i# H1 ^4 ^% t' K; e5 F/ Z% Y( k! w3 B
for life if you play your cards right.
+ Z5 o' O; v  B! h6 }: Y! }* \5 W" U

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) h  K6 o" u, j' q, I# H+ r* C# t
** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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6 C% d: i! ]" j" k) r0 p0 S8 t& K1 H1 {% }( y  C
Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
: C+ J  A" {  U/ E, B1 }# v% Qletting them know they are appreciated 3 a1 K5 `' n9 ^* u; w
for the fabulous job they do...
2 J/ H3 q7 i: Z4 |or forward with love 6 u( _, W( O1 P  f
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.2 j- X( B% i- Z: U5 p9 o5 G$ F

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鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2009-4-25 07:19 | 显示全部楼层
Great!
鲜花(21) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2009-4-25 09:04 | 显示全部楼层
i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.
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