Modern Definitions

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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.

& G) l+ q' q' X  B, [# IThe following were some of this year’s winning entries:

1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
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9 T6 T& o1 I0 ]' l2 ?7 ], ~2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .
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3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

. j1 d! c8 b/ \/ N# u. Y4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
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. m" x, T9 o6 }. n# Q6 Y5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
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7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
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8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
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9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
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11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

# a8 X8 H; A& _" t13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
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. y) A# }$ H! r  `3 s: c% R! A0 o14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
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6 O1 \" C9 j) e5 a) b7 d3 R7 p15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.