Modern Definitions

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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.
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: O) f- P$ l9 i6 |# ^3 `The following were some of this year’s winning entries:

1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
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; |+ {+ u2 x9 J) K3 y2 {' `) n2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .
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6 b5 S8 L. ^# Z" A5 g3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
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5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
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& l, a1 ]0 M. O- v; v9 w% i7 M2 }6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
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10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
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5 G; O+ J6 m2 [2 q11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
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/ p" o+ g& t% w; n14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
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4 ?' R2 B: d4 W% l, v! g8 W15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.