高手来评评我的读后感

水中月 · 发表于 2011-7-29 19:09

本帖最后由水中月于 2011-7-29 20:12 编辑

“The Hunger Games" written by Suzanne Colins is my favorite book I have ever read. It tells a story of a girl named Katniss Everdeen who volunteers to take her little sisters place as a contender in the Hunger Game -- a annual fight-to-the-death competition between twenty four teenagers chosen by lottery draws.
The sixteen-year-old Katniss considers competing in the Hunger Game as a death sentence because some of the contenders had been in training all their lives for this moment. However, Katniss has superority that is not realized by her, which is her dexterity with bows and arrows. Without recognizing it, she becomes a strong contender.
Let me say that I found The Hunger Games to be a very compelling book. I sped through it in less than a week and was fully captivated by its intensity and originality. The suspense during the competition was drawn out effectively with amazing written skills and the ending of book left me wondering for hours what would happen in the next book.
One question that I asked myself over and over again after reading this book is what would I do if I was forced to chosen between murdering someone I love and being killed. Also the book was so astonishing. I learned how to live my life the way I want it to be without leaving regrets at the moment I die.

水中月 · 发表于 2011-7-29 19:15

Any mistakes?
Any comments are welcome.

Stethoscope · 发表于 2011-7-29 20:17

谈不上高手，只是爱好而已，我们共同来探讨下（我的好多想法不一定对）：
1. 从简洁的角度上讲，你大可以不要WRITTEN，当然加上不算错。也就是别人一看，知道英语不是咱母语而已。
2. 书面英语来说BOOK后面应该有THAT做引导，当然，口语是绝对没问题的。
3. SISTERS 是复数，后面是A CONTENDER，数不同。
4. PLACE AS，我看了半天，觉得你应该是说以----的身份参与或者就是扮演的意思吧？还是有其它用法，要不是你打错字了，你想用PLAY AS，当然你直接用在SISTER 后面就应该加ING。
5. AN ANNUAL …..刚开始写的时候，都这样，自己怎么查也查不出来，慢慢地就好了。
6. 个人觉得应该是用AMONG，似乎BETWEEN是只两者之间，三者或者三者以上用AMONG
7. HAD，个人觉得顺应整个文章的话，HAS更好，ALL THEIR LIVES，我知道你说的意思，但似乎英语中不这么表达。
8. is not realized by her，尽量不用被动，除非不得不用。
9. WHICH，自己看看，你的WHICH是指什么，够得着不？我以前也老这么用，但英语母语的人会直接画个问号在旁边，不知道咱要表达的是什么意思。
10. Without recognizing it，我不知道我理解得对不对，你要表达的是她自己都没意识到，她就已经怎么怎么样了。RECOGNIZE，一般是指这个人或者情景过去见过，现在认出来了。不知道你用的用法，希望你能解释一下，共同进步。
11. Let me say that I found，不用这么说，因为这本身就是你的读后感，不用再加类似的东西，太中国化了。
12. AND 我们中国人写东西，都爱这么用。但你注意下英文的东西，很少这么用，或者不用。这是因为这么长的两个独立有自己语境的句子，AND明显太单薄。
13. IN THE NEXT BOOK，你确定还有下一册书？还是作者给读者去想象的空间？
14. WOULD I 应该是I WOULD，估计你发完就发现了。
15. someone I love and being killed. 前面半部分懂了，可能在I之前要加WHOM，后面没怎么懂。AND前后应该是两个并列的短语或者句子，你一个句子一个短语，而且似乎这个SOMEONE都是AND 前后的同一个人？那又似乎不通。
16. ALSO大多用在句中。
17. at the moment when i die, 书面语加上WHEN 更好些。

别看我列这么多，其实你写得还是不错的，我刚刚开始写的时候，别提有多烂了，没有一句是对的。坚持写一段时间，你会收获很大。

水中月 · 发表于 2011-7-30 08:42

3# Stethoscope

非常感谢详细的语法评论。大部分我很认同。但有一点点不同看法：
关于10. recognize 有多种意思，在这里是notice的意思，应该可以这么用吧。
继续等待内容，写法，文体方面的评论。

水中月 · 发表于 2011-7-30 09:54

本帖最后由水中月于 2011-7-30 10:56 编辑

3# Stethoscope

关于15. murdering some I love 和 being killed 并列。你可能理解错了。

再实话实说 · 发表于 2011-7-30 16:33

Stethoscope , 能不能请教如何提高英语写作的，是多看小说书呢，还是多看杂志。。。不知道您如何提高的？

小小绿草 · 发表于 2011-7-31 10:06

5# 水中月

murdering someone I live and I am being killed

小小绿草 · 发表于 2011-7-31 10:07

Sorry, typing mistake should be "love" not "live".

Crisis · 发表于 2011-7-31 11:08

“The Hunger Games" written by Suzanne Colins is a favorite book I have ever read. It told a story about a girl, Katniss Everdeen, who volunteered to take her little sisters place as a contender in the Hunger Game: an annual fight-to-the-death competition between twenty four teenagers chosen by lottery draws.

This sixteen-year-old Katniss considered competing in the Hunger Game as a death judge. Some of the contenders had been in training in all their lives for this moment. However, Katniss had superority that was not realized by herself: her dexterity with bows and arrows. Therefore, she became a strong contender.

The Hunger Games is a very compelling novel. I sped through it within less than one week and was completely attracted by its intensity and originality. The suspense in the competition was drawn out effectively with amazing writing skills and the end of this novel left me wondering hours for what would happen in the next book.

One question that I asked myself over and over after reading this book was what I would do if being forced to make a choice between murdering someone I love and being killed. Also the book was very astonishing, where I learned how to live my life in the way I want without leaving regrets at the moment when I die.

(Too hush, might have some problems. Just for your reference)

Stethoscope · 发表于 2011-8-2 16:41

Stethoscope , 能不能请教如何提高英语写作的，是多看小说书呢，还是多看杂志。。。不知道您如何提高的？. v7 ]$ H4 |) P- T/ a5 A/ x: A8 \
再实话实说发表于 2011-7-30 17:33

我自己主要是上学被逼出来的，大量的PAPER在短时间内写出来，我的观点是被制造出来。然后真的是被逼无耐，一开始是一点儿一点儿地磨，大概磨了半年之后，我自己都感觉到进步非常大。PAPER的分数也是和头半年有质的飞跃。

如果不上学，我建议一周写一千字左右的议论文，找个人帮你看看，应该是很好的出发点。因为我自己不是这么练的，我也不知道一千字的议论文是不是字数太多了。但觉得从这个字数上，可以展开你的写作技巧，如果太短，好象空间不够。要不初始都，从五百左右开始。这是我的建议。

当然发在这里，有网友有时间的话，也会帮你看的。

朝阳 · 发表于 2011-8-4 22:30

我自己主要是上学被逼出来的，大量的PAPER在短时间内写出来，我的观点是被制造出来。然后真的是被逼无耐，一开始是一点儿一点儿地磨，大概磨了半年之后，我自己都感觉到进步非常大。PAPER的分数也是和头半年有质 ...
9 q+ | P9 P1 W4 \: pStethoscope 发表于 2011-8-2 17:41

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