请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
; }% D5 m0 i$ o) Y% Y2 ^# YBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
' v) i8 \3 N! P! R" G# z, C5 g              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
6 ^0 S' r  [0 O- ]5 kHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
; d+ C  e# U7 N0 B. U# ]Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
- \; C( f0 R+ l- j5 t5 n' {Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
$ q" a' U5 U4 L. [" dSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
3 R7 A1 `+ l' [' x  MSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
; c! m0 a6 v" B/ MSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
4 ?& d# u: |- T. H  YSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
8 z; s1 R  X& @Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

8 O$ L3 h. V4 C# Q8 D2 `Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
3 f. {# s* b5 ISomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
' v8 R) K6 C5 L. R" T" TSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
* {  H% q& T8 D1 A* k, _
" I. n+ i# I$ _0 {. q. u  Msomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
, }+ F% N' f; Q' H" \+ Vsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？