请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
9 n0 x: J! E1 Y- F9 fThanks a lot!!!





: @: M; C) j0 Z( i! a7 p

: u" r& N9 U5 G! u; y! _/ v, DFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
& i8 O/ v( J" _. y              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
% y) }- y4 s8 s6 z              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
0 R* K) }' h7 P8 `) B1 C. l              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
3 O0 z. D5 R- Q  p              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
' p; E2 g  L6 c  nHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
9 B/ Z+ \* s7 f             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
" o5 c; q" r" b3 G( Y7 k! H3 z             somehow I lost myself inside again
, s, r$ c9 g" }+ `Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
" `( T! [, Y! D" E0 B, D  G2 z- x& ?Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
, B# F% Q4 s% U( v) N$ n  u4 _Basically, I almost finish this poem
$ p! t% ~# {5 t8 N! {: n5 _               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

% h5 B7 t$ H+ x1 p6 v/ u卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
' E8 O0 Z8 r: I$ X& c

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
) `, d* [2 @4 V) @Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
4 Q! f6 J2 [. C8 F* U$ ySomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
+ ~# A. }" E5 L# ySomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

! r: S9 O& N( O% b, ]6 LSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
6 `& O2 X9 n9 P) N7 ]Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
, d* f3 n% R/ Q8 K1 ASomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
9 j4 u- ]5 Q. t4 aSomehow I lost myself inside it again

) V$ Q0 c2 @/ ~. z7 TSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
: u! T$ p* k! q, U/ ]& OSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
, @! T4 g% p3 V================================================
  {" G$ |( ]9 ZHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
) R% ]& E4 L2 m: m, B
; A7 l' g  l# N7 wsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
* e' S& g& [* H6 k" V=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
% T+ m  ~8 k; j  o" k. }我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？