请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
2 s/ G- Q: r$ U/ oBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
& n% g: X7 z- aHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!

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' P+ C/ _8 R5 l5 C* Q' FFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
% D  o( V9 h1 x% a. V# ^' R- N              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
# f) S5 D1 R0 [1 H$ m7 Z3 `5 g( P5 @              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
( d, {4 |, c5 m% VHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
' k8 J5 _# Z" ?9 ]: U             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
8 c& m4 Q; L+ B8 F# d1 T             somehow I lost myself inside again
: s; H, {, d. d, H& \Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
& I  L/ [, ~) s3 z+ A# E) f7 l+ u0 ]) EBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
* G: l! P% N, {/ ]) M' H               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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3 g3 n7 H4 Q7 P- ^' C: }5 {# I! Z卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
  k8 B; h1 p  _( R4 |& m/ ~Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
* O3 ^. E5 S6 {- c! |Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
$ a1 S/ Z. k5 ^4 u; f6 zSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
  N, F2 \: j, \) E
/ \- d- C- H+ R4 _/ M# |Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
- i" L" Y! O- x, d/ cSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
4 V; ], s( E1 E4 t( f: I6 C5 eSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
8 p9 h2 Z7 u! wSomehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
+ z  k# v; r/ l! [, E7 g' T7 gSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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; A2 f6 A) k: Z2 y  v  L7 i( vHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
; V! H# S  K0 i; ]
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
' y5 ^) O  F0 A" V=====================================================================
3 s8 k+ V6 b6 d0 q8 D- Osomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

* }2 F; B5 u3 x0 }哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？