Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

sweetspot

LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
> > > >
( R9 i$ u1 G1 [2 j- P  R> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
0 j) Z: q4 q- s; G7 h>thinking."
$ T& P7 [7 N( l% m' J> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
2 B; ~; R5 _: K, w> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
4 g( d" f: ]9 x. D0 f4 L> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
& h% b; c0 H* W% m>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
3 i( Z6 B% R/ P' W: j3 _1 |7 C> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
3 R& X& I0 J! |' \> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
. m! o0 Y# j3 i. Q' [> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
. f( _. J4 |! m( g> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
3 Y  J6 M' f  r. H) c) M$ P1 Q> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
2 D# I$ [0 z6 b2 h4 @> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
. G+ J/ \1 o  l2 P1 f0 N. i3 U> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
* R1 V% d$ O1 f0 N> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
9 o, T0 I2 I6 n; E2 B$ \* e4 U1 `> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
) [8 k! v! N( y: `3 |> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
' L1 f0 r1 R( |0 v> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
5 M2 r0 g0 `- I0 o' e> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
: X& a2 V( U$ F% d$ k2 w> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
$ Q2 L7 K8 S# g7 ~> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
0 f0 O$ C  ^3 B4 |> > > >
$ ]4 W1 L( P7 h: w) }" U> > > >
! j5 O* H3 b# L1 g, r> > > >
  G) q+ t; R; f% |6 A1 }: J> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
" x) T7 Z' a( |> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
8 @- _3 Y+ {% F  M: @2 n> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
; v3 z+ o7 S& H8 U6 o- i4 F7 k1 Q1 R> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
1 E, E0 u) Y, Y> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
> > > >
" l. ?. Q/ u+ j( A$ p1 ~> > > >
* u( B2 ^+ [0 y- d) m4 o> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
" g6 g) X' I( P& p. e> > > >
6 h7 m3 U  B- R6 [> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
8 B8 P; u, C7 |! {3 z> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
7 M- t0 C) T) r2 X8 d8 d> > > >same sentence twice.
. p; V/ c& }% T4 }0 d8 E. M> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
5 `2 J" s1 F* Q3 ]* C% K, f( Z( m> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
$ ?0 }1 b) L- p: X3 u* R% I> > > >called on little TONY.
/ f1 i2 c) \8 m( m> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
$ c, d4 d& i& C0 o8 m& X! T> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
, N' Z7 \, U1 d* }> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
5 x8 ?8 i% k6 C> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
$ ~' e. r. j% g5 i> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
' h1 b; M0 v. I; m8 `/ d+ K4 F# C> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
' }- n' s* k9 f, D! p' P> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business