Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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2 \" H. A5 _. L9 m& }! C0 m> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
$ p7 v! k) X' c! L! i7 I9 o> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
  b5 B$ n/ s- B' l: d> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
& u# ?- e" V5 k; ]. ~. @# S> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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3 o9 g0 i, l: l) W8 _> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
7 y+ s+ L; T" ?+ F" Y& L) q" U: l>cream.
' a$ W7 i3 Q4 L> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
5 f( Z9 M# J9 ]4 @" F/ [> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
8 S; p  \$ A' v4 [6 Q> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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% a! |% E8 {, i6 U& ]> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
1 b* S0 k8 W( \) t# q, c' F9 G  v3 l> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
: H' E: P! [& y6 d  T. P> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
/ W, d% \, Y% i/ g. j) j> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
& W  G  L6 m0 t  K> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
: s4 i9 g1 Y! v, H7 z5 q9 D> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
/ P3 f) U) ^' w9 P/ }> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
' B* @+ Z0 D* {7 u" G> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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. }, a2 J, l3 p) H& S> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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; s) |7 G! {. T. b> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
" f7 `9 [% h! A- h> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
; e* g  b) P% J* B0 B  S> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
" T6 ^) y9 D; |, X> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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! I9 B9 ?1 U7 M; [- B> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
; r, t: i& k0 x% M- X* E: S$ |> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
9 {- W' L& ]# ]/ ~1 Z  s> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
9 s0 h) E7 _( a% {4 V> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
$ Q  X$ E* c' Z% v1 B> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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+ a6 m1 w1 [/ R/ s# \: o7 ]> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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0 [( u' C$ c: a> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
" F1 Q- U7 H. ?* v. j, V> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business