Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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9 Y/ i1 k* G- k, l6 k1 B$ Q> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
: @. l+ v" `8 l' R, N" A. v> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
& b* `# r# E, i3 X+ d> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
+ Q5 b# b" ~/ }4 v3 }3 L1 N, \' f2 D>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
3 U5 w) S9 [1 |) M, k2 }> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
4 c2 }; z2 l8 \' [6 o> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
- T% W1 s" `; D1 N9 N> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
2 q% o$ ?' h* [5 B> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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7 X7 ?3 _  u6 y# ]: j> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
* P7 P' y" @/ x6 D1 ]> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
6 ?7 G+ J& `7 w" o( }: L( |> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
) E1 y. ~2 S7 n! J$ _; }; v> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
& E1 k# f* e0 z- g6 j4 c; F" g  ]> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
  y- k2 s* Z, d# E- K" B' c0 o> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
" M+ ]; ?7 y7 W" Q> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
6 L' G$ G" l+ X- O2 W4 i& ?& J" w> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
5 z7 J2 T- Q- j1 ^> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
2 n1 L5 i% S) l2 {. M" ~> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
8 ^. v' P- R9 a. q> > > >piss!!"
8 |$ U8 ]% d8 C" k1 f9 Y6 y> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
3 [& T5 p) O! @* c& A> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
% A7 X/ S  i2 u: C; h5 B6 V+ m> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
) P  h  O& n5 s7 Z# }8 `; _> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
. |* t2 k  t* {# |0 j# x> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
; A( a" E, Q1 ?* z( V( {7 {) S# \> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
, f. I& L9 F  ?> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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6 m8 d0 C! L8 x4 ^> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
9 q2 R$ ]% C" Y/ [5 N> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
6 P$ d6 M) k9 r. W( H> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
' Z: v' c  J2 I5 g8 r: M+ _> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business