Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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/ \3 W2 S, Q' V2 v0 T> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
; o: K0 F' O- s& m8 ]2 p! ]! s6 _> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
0 ^3 [, b. j& }% g. b0 a# r> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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  `9 Y  T0 R' ]' Z  y( B> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
, ?" C9 f$ {; R# `2 U> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
7 `  A( ^/ ?$ t> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
6 o) m$ p- `  w4 `' \* h> > > >"That's what I said!"
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, Q% `7 [. U) I6 n# I8 k> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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$ E4 b% ~9 I( r> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
6 `8 Y3 S/ K/ S: N4 {2 x) ~> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
' E5 u6 y; ^3 X/ r: o% F. o> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
1 k2 q4 m4 c+ U+ R; E> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
8 d8 l6 F3 E8 Z9 s1 m. v" L6 U& d> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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$ b/ |' e8 m- J3 r+ M5 d. }: x6 }> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
& T# b7 v9 Z9 G/ \> > > >piss!!"
9 Y4 X! d6 i- c* v> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
# U2 |/ l+ R! a2 W8 |> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
) S7 Z# d% \; k  I4 t" K> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
5 M* f0 b0 V$ m> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
, B( L3 {' Z" m. Q0 m- L> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
) Q: E( A* g. s$ l& M3 K> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
, |; l3 X- W1 N" ]> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
, P8 C+ O2 V+ z> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
4 ?1 s$ z- S4 M3 `6 R> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
( B: ?/ B7 `: x> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
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9 n, Q0 B; F" o$ j> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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2 F! I; ^3 w: p2 R( w> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
3 J6 Q1 q+ ]; ~3 \" }4 Q* Z> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
; ~( v2 N8 j! ~; }) M> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
" h+ l, ^+ c$ e: s2 d> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
' I5 B  [: h# @2 p8 v9 n$ a6 M: d> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business