Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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; f# N2 `( M( u" B& a> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
& h0 O! i9 X; E7 b4 O> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
) _' w! X& D) v1 w* g> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
6 S/ P6 a4 i2 c, l) a>thinking."
; r1 m3 S6 U* a6 K7 E' P  s> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
+ o: K% `. L3 K( ~- L, k! R+ C> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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! F# R1 |* \+ y7 d9 _, X> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
) m% g6 A$ h9 p7 h8 f>cream.
+ d8 @4 s& h9 ~7 c8 E1 Q* d> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
2 q* z2 P+ H. r; m+ [# s4 Y$ K; h2 q6 ?> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
1 _1 u3 x. U7 t$ z" i. O& I> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
& ^" z$ Y' Y# Y5 Q- N* s! a> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
( h. r8 r- u: ^2 _* o> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
) _- O, }4 U( T8 ?4 [- n. [> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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! }! I4 j, R5 z) g3 e' f> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
3 X' g: j& w8 \> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
+ E4 G4 h6 L( k- L* W> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
4 S! r1 |) [/ P, [> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
1 V  O  S! c; y' j! m# D+ W> > > >piss!!"
& Q9 L" j4 h4 O% Q" a> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
2 {" O( i5 E2 I7 K1 G) B$ }& `> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
' X1 `3 K5 n9 x6 e( b> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
  H! [$ ~9 u' Q) [) G> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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+ i1 I: `7 |# [, ?* F- D/ W> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
/ X  ^( }. L7 k2 h; E6 b> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
/ `" ]& ?5 g" g6 f( Z> > > >same sentence twice.
& \& F* j5 D9 b> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
" E, O0 {0 }& h> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
; C" Z1 P) P- ^6 o8 J% g1 Y> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
8 v2 k3 B- S) Z+ E> > > >called on little TONY.
9 o# z& A$ Z+ V( A; D> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
4 ^+ U+ o$ b+ H; E( S> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
, v9 V, Z$ }( C- o> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business