Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
1 E$ N4 c% o; d% h> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
; R- X+ _! o/ z>thinking."
6 N6 g+ P& E) G4 [> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
2 |  I* S! S6 V5 f> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
% K8 f: `; W( B: Z2 g- v( E> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
# z  v1 n- a0 \6 |3 S- h> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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  O6 S! {9 |$ }> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
$ L; w4 \; d! q% \) W7 F> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
/ M6 X: Z# N* b+ e> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
> > > >
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6 c! S: e# r1 Z4 n3 Z> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
/ l5 H' G, \0 b> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
* }+ f( y( e8 U  h$ J* ?> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
: X% C, S  _/ E# N# A" K+ m- }> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
% f2 y  g% X. I4 T$ P> > > >allow
! c* t: U7 _6 o6 k( U4 M> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
: J- L1 \& O8 ]9 ]: r) @! Z> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
> > > >
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0 `$ L3 q! W& [6 m' z2 l0 ]> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
+ M# G+ h) A; m2 l% H) z> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
. L* r) G) i4 e5 s9 N) @# p" {> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
$ n6 R. z( v5 P' P; T> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
! r5 x, N4 B; G. P0 j5 P> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
& L* G( v- p! b: F7 I+ g4 J9 K> > > >beautifully."
0 I4 m+ o1 q7 n( Z' m> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
" ~5 t7 y  U- r( J- Q, T+ V* i5 @> > > >called on little TONY.
, K6 q8 v& h9 e" E7 ?4 H9 m> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
' B. d( |* S; ?3 q. g- K> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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3 |' m, C4 z- R4 L. |$ ~> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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; {/ E3 w6 c$ O: E) O: w! |" L> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
! Y6 w- n  F8 v> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
" n$ B" v+ ?1 |) Q. Y; u: j> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
2 e% c6 _. F' _( X- [> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
' X3 W* S$ l6 X& o+ g3 t> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
- r7 F1 v4 s0 |2 y1 u9 v> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business