Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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# B0 @- B# e+ |# n5 H> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
  I$ P! Y3 `( [5 [5 C6 c> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
: v% t7 x2 I. k: z; o> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
8 b% Y/ H8 B) o9 _>thinking."
$ k" V  ~0 j, }  @* ]6 {% S> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
& p) s* Q5 r7 l' x* r$ |' H>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
% c) n7 w) I6 u- C7 N> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
8 \  u: Z* `; ^2 D% S> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
, g5 ~2 u4 S1 z: _. W# @> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
! }# [9 F3 s4 X: K% S1 F2 J> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
( C9 E0 [4 ^, X2 t# f> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
: o; M6 `' O1 d8 y6 ~> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
/ T. p5 W: K" B' O/ ^> > > >"That's what I said!"
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# \) g( S0 H& ]7 l; ~> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
5 v; k% |3 z' V$ m; F2 y% J> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
  r% U7 @& Y4 |; E! `5 u> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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8 \$ D% E3 W% O2 k3 q8 z> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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; O0 J: F& V7 t6 {5 ?+ {( X> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
) Y) ~& `5 B* T/ f> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
7 k* c; K# ?9 M4 ]> > > >allow
. m2 L8 }) K& q! a& |& r> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
. B+ C2 Y; O0 b6 l& U# G; ]- P> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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/ [% Z9 l" s3 S1 h  a% r> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
7 y0 x. y1 e% k( X. n3 y# i" R> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
) O: X) v9 b: c4 z# V# M. Q. g> > > >same sentence twice.
) A4 h, t+ c% ], @5 p& B/ Z8 ~0 p> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
) Z! b" M/ H, _; Z) A2 m+ N> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
6 H! o6 i. o) U! g> > > >beautifully."
4 p. Y1 _' D0 _2 Q> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
; U' f0 c! k# H' Y2 X> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
9 u1 g- z, K3 S" N& Q5 C0 d> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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  h' r) i5 ]- t  D# h) B9 h& C> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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& D- B8 j( X3 Q( N( C, a0 `& U> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
8 [3 b. G& O6 I8 ]# q0 P* c> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
  f$ @0 ~+ e9 z> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
! ^6 H/ Q0 B; c: p5 |& l9 |> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
4 F$ [3 T0 S: E0 L' a" N* l> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
: e0 ]1 ]# w4 r4 A> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business