办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
3 W% z- R- f4 c& C" V2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
0 s5 {4 ?0 g+ E* i; t$ `# i3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
& G7 E+ d/ n) a* c& G& UWe will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
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Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
9 r# o7 e4 G* N  X1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
" O& N0 T! W8 u2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
; t" B( m( {- C1 T/ T3 s" L3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
  M% ]! h4 `/ `6 r& }4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
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Bathroom Breaks:
1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
- c' N% t2 p6 r3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
/ P, @* I" C+ V! B4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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Lunch Break:
9 w' w& m5 P: q* o+ W1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
- B; `. b# ]3 H/ W! x8 I' i7 y2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
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The Management

6 ]2 L! U' @' `* \Pass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.