 鲜花( 47)  鸡蛋( 0)
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Dress Code: - f- _) k* b) F" d; H9 \
1. You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. ( a' @4 w7 ? a9 H
2. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. 1 e/ k( R r: ~; [. G: j3 Y; f) }
3. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. 5 q+ E/ ]5 U7 L& m, t
4. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
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Sick Days: 0 D+ A: x* S4 G( b% \5 q1 u1 a' V3 Z
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. 6 a* f9 v2 O* J+ r
! p; z6 `/ s: m/ QPersonal Days:
. @7 B/ M( r2 k* z( @ l6 k% U3 dEach employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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Bereavement Leave:
+ }2 s3 z; K4 k8 H1 m5 Q; N1. This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.
8 L+ g6 `; q3 H/ [& \5 a& ~2. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.
7 ~ w' q) `& J* M$ q- j3. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon. / m6 n% x# U9 w \: a4 d6 N l
4. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. ) t( A! y4 a: [9 M% l' N- ?* |& o
; U5 @9 s6 B Q5 jBathroom Breaks:
4 S5 z- G- q; \3 d0 [1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.
; s/ k9 ~( I3 x7 x- T; j+ R; V" q2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
2 V9 c9 g' @$ k( R- P6 `3. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. ' y2 I& f6 g' t p, d0 i
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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& |4 X0 _2 |7 {, M* M* KLunch Break: ; @, _( Y+ v- I; O
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
# y' l# z5 c) x% a% m' J; \2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. 0 |+ f J1 {7 Q7 e
3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. ' g2 H: X+ W- y4 _2 P; q
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Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
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2 T0 X: ]1 W7 U- E3 sThe Management , p3 {4 K0 s/ U5 j; P
6 S0 p4 V/ v' }" E- @5 LPass this on to all who are employed. |
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