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[其他] 办公室新政策(ZT搞笑))

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鲜花(47) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 08:41 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dress Code: . a3 a0 ]- n+ y: K% _/ F
1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   7 T$ Y7 R! o6 i
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. 4 t( d: O! ]. H1 g# K8 F
3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
/ n; ?7 R; U8 J+ {4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.   Q+ \; Z( M9 S3 T! H7 v: v1 z) U
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Sick Days:
$ Z0 u6 d' l  ^7 l6 M) t, `  {, nWe will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. / [# I; V' i" b
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Personal Days:
2 `" o5 |5 U- H, S6 `4 aEach employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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6 A4 ]5 \; A5 n% tBereavement Leave: & W6 _5 j6 H  b7 D
1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
$ r; `' ^$ a* @  f% R1 [2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
' h: O" |; j! Y/ w3 o3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   * n- A/ W+ b, i" u) h) P
4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
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$ ]; i; u$ t  p. {  _( TBathroom Breaks: 5 q/ H6 O& [, r# b
1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
6 Q* `$ K) B5 F7 }6 z+ V2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   5 o) A. ~# \3 t+ o2 S. F2 u
3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
+ `6 ?& |8 ?1 y( U0 h" v4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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/ W8 k8 u. P4 _7 @2 R- E, I+ \* A+ y  @Lunch Break:
8 ?' [7 y, D; `1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
& Z3 L3 p4 t! x& ?! ^+ j; K2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
% G" T6 \$ y( n& U; U2 C3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
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7 L% f7 |" _9 bThank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
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* H* k! }' ]/ X: \The Management . ^* G; u+ t- |, ^+ b
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Pass this on to all who are employed.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 10:16 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-25 06:39 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(6) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-8-25 21:01 | 显示全部楼层

这一句实在是太油菜了!

老杨团队 追求完美
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-26 21:44 | 显示全部楼层
not very understand.
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