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[其他] 办公室新政策(ZT搞笑))

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鲜花(47) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 08:41 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dress Code:
3 e9 \8 Z4 u) E' t& {& @/ F& H1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   : M3 C! o- Z+ b  C2 A
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
6 Y; B. L/ C0 U7 G3 Z0 u6 `2 @! B# o3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
! ?/ C( _1 [, H0 _" x3 j4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
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Sick Days: ' y1 \: r  ~5 p6 B- @7 ~
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. ; P, \" R( @9 j! A

! t. C2 }) ]5 A1 CPersonal Days: % Y! _( @; H$ ~& r2 ^* q/ U
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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' |/ A5 {  @1 n9 W2 ~% v) aBereavement Leave:
3 h4 c  m( W3 p1 \* b1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
1 O: W% f( q! u5 H2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   $ m- Y  S% P# k& Q+ o3 `
3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
2 w  l- e6 h7 y5 w. i, E  m9 h4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. ) ]. z% ]$ h8 i+ V" M

; R9 _1 K( F9 d* ~! y" J7 K% E; o0 R% uBathroom Breaks:
# I) n$ l: p) T0 D) |- `  e4 o& R1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   3 ]0 u! L! w* b4 {- o2 F
2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   / A' k. G8 a# R/ W
3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   1 B; n4 @9 \+ \0 Q' v
4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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+ ^/ p1 S* k- O. RLunch Break: 7 k% ~' w/ j& g/ {! n
1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. ) f" A( k0 c' r7 o
2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. 9 M$ U7 y: @% }$ o
3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
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Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
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The Management " ^6 n/ G. o# ]7 h. g8 I1 [" y

% P% p/ i3 b0 G$ WPass this on to all who are employed.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 10:16 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-25 06:39 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(6) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-8-25 21:01 | 显示全部楼层

这一句实在是太油菜了!

老杨团队 追求完美
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-26 21:44 | 显示全部楼层
not very understand.
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