办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
. @# B1 H/ r' d0 |0 u. S6 ^7 S& W2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
" c  L; b) r& K' R3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
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7 Y2 r( r5 b7 S3 }: k7 v" ZSick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
$ M% F2 X1 w  @; }Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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Bereavement Leave:
1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
" L# X4 ]! j% X+ R2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
+ e* i2 _0 h, h- h: B3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
' d% Y" k( d1 ?% I% k4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
( ~! I- n! b- E/ P$ _3 j% T2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
* p% X, l: _% d4 g# a4 o3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
  @+ W$ D$ c, o$ Y& Q* j4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
: T1 G/ \" \6 L7 h* c. w3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
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Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
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The Management

, s) Q% D; m( |/ v) iPass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.