Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
2 v9 V; k) {% X0 pCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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/ d* y. {" z; a% PVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

4 q' r( `6 ?* J5 m1 nP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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, ]9 ?; h' D, }1 }3 l9 |MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

$ X0 g/ U# S/ e- EINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

* |1 A! n; F. g! g0 g# BPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
' t- F# _, V) h1 z  g2 T% m. s+ bWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
$ Y" r! Q* c; F5 n/ i1 ^4 C% cBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
. F8 F3 h1 s; L- b. q) t5 w- XBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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5 I8 \) J& Z- h6 G9 O) o/ ^What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵