Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

4 Q" h: N: B4 G8 i: X3 `9 H$ SBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
" O/ w0 R! G8 b+ `- V% t3 s% b, kBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

! B; p7 s( |, M8 ^& Q9 MBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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5 M  y0 |: X# R: V; L8 n0 VSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

; S- ~8 `. V( }, s8 c" GMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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5 E0 b0 b( d8 F7 e3 JYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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4 o( K- g1 f' w7 f% N9 b% ~PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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6 H% M0 p" v) A$ ~& [9 ?If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
2 T! e1 f; |' j1 FBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
/ d8 |* K0 @( G6 bBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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3 E7 l# Y5 B" y: `1 N5 y. PWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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% M- @% x5 E/ ^                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
. c  z& ?% o% u, p* S( t1 \, R                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵