Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
( U* t, H. |, Z4 oCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

. T( z- ]- [6 A" V% k7 h% j( M( vBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
8 x; Y' R) C, d- S& j0 p5 JBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

) d9 @) j# C1 I& e& z% sVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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+ Y: w: |6 e* ?, MP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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; G% E0 \) I7 t+ B5 x% x- pSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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1 K, T3 g( d; P: vSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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1 ?. x' L& A: ]CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

& h: w4 ~5 L- O, _7 CYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

% Y- A, @9 e7 k4 t- p# Q! ZPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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3 f% {' Y5 x, b& M' y; xIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
# C0 Z* {" e; NWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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% j& G, `% j# A4 aWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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' Q8 |) O8 X' c" {                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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+ t6 ?( ?3 C& jPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
3 ?& K- U+ J7 a, e& L. v- F$ d                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵