Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
* Z' m6 c" {' Z& G3 z* {CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
/ F# j, h* o" y8 a* X$ n- q  cBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

- }4 y1 ?- \7 ^9 o: @VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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2 |( S0 \  p- {+ R1 \BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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# G. [  s. s9 [( s9 HSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

+ u. u6 D! c4 S, ICASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

6 W8 ]: ^  U( ?9 e  L. S# `! pWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

9 g( s6 @6 N! u- F, {INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
( p  w# V! w# P$ t  J1 u/ vWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
! ^- D& W# Z! K# ?- w6 j- fWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
+ n4 D, W3 D1 A+ T( S5 [Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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3 I; l: t' ?$ D# y, k  p  Q  F2 rWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
, i' g( t; a* p8 \; C                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵