Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
) F! Z2 y# a  Y4 S7 W  ?& s& {CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
7 }) p/ [, x+ e5 nBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

+ ]6 ]7 l/ C+ _& J2 l- t$ tVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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$ N2 J- {' m; dP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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( ]. }7 G* G& qSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

) {+ z& Y0 c& P1 R7 V/ f, N5 NFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

# w9 _# C' O( ]3 B+ Z% xYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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, W2 F7 \( o4 c! ?% l9 Y2 nWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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) A# U' C& k; H& t7 TIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
  T% f" E0 n& k5 g$ G# f2 lWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
* Y+ H" _' `) [) b5 G  T, K) QBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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/ c, e+ U$ ?/ F& N5 Q! W: dWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
7 K5 _$ J! C6 R( j( C2 S9 R# e* D                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵