Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
  F  o7 @1 {4 qCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

# p# B+ f: g% DBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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$ k( ?. l2 o4 I+ c- n( mP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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- S; l5 E+ Q( |, VBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

& Q. P7 m, ^: `- V1 k/ tSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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: P( ]  i9 T  u" s* M, q  z  g7 M* xSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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4 v. p, i7 Z# {  z: ICASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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0 \9 {) y1 w) ~4 BYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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" j7 ^9 u  |% j& vWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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# P. r; m! F" F# p7 jINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
: j/ J5 j/ I8 K4 y" p6 `With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
2 D! L, J  p1 M  OBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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" Y' n+ e' t2 A+ k* A4 s7 kPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵