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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
1 m2 \. Q0 l9 z0 i0 yCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. . R! Y8 j+ i" Z. ~1 D
5 Q2 G8 i* W( v E& vBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
* _' C1 e' [4 w- FBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. & t: L& v; M6 q1 V
3 y, l6 Z0 e: z4 OVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. , v5 R) V% _! N" V* R1 T
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.7 w4 u. t) w7 O) T. k% @
0 A/ M* F& y2 h8 H5 b& k# qSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. $ |3 M7 O1 {* V
& H& A# y0 t. ^* ], F7 c4 S) |( [MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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( j( c% K" {9 fCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. 4 ]. N; N$ }( n- O" d* G0 B2 V
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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- i& F! W7 n0 I: A5 fWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.6 H9 x* S3 s) J0 _4 R+ @
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. f) _1 T9 F) F. z1 c: N2 E
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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& ~' A; J& z1 |If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
8 n# m& X# {, `2 t' U# tWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
7 J2 |9 Z! n) H# k1 O7 RWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
! v) J# Z; G9 c2 S% C& k. MBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
% ^1 _" C5 X; Y' J1 c. ]. n2 LBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.3 u; d! h! M- ~ z
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0 i. X% f c. H3 n! xWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.( h. H. G" G% L- C3 c* Z& X l7 c
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...
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" z2 |, q- w/ S+ [ ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
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狗仔卡
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26
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