Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
5 p. ~. t; C6 c: D7 R# ?3 a* w# }Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed for challenging,

( a6 H( N) n" o1 O) }+ T2 Dpermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
2 i0 w4 [7 j; f0 }, V5 Aand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
. [$ E+ j% X& \' d5 W+ MSome overnight travel required, including trips to
, {# `9 H( T& pprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
5 ?0 o, a6 o$ }; i# Aendless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
0 B$ g$ f& a; U' G. I8 fExtensive courier duties also required.
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RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
& j! m& x, F5 h- D5 A& E7 Muntil someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
, U# }0 \- }: K4 Y9 eand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
6 N1 k4 V, P$ pin case, this time, the screams from
1 n& I- _/ H1 _, k8 |the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
1 s. L2 ~  T7 H7 \' i8 X. C' Tsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
0 O. p; [- U  Q! Dand stuck zippers.
4 t% \3 W0 r* @8 m5 h& gMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
5 m6 _- M# W/ ]8 k6 icoordinate production of multiple homework projects.
! V# f1 J; _6 @2 l: C1 dMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
; h6 |& `; Y- ]  W9 eMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
0 S& h; ]8 A9 @. ]  T3 [1 UMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
- ]- s  m" w% g( l, A( pMust assume final, complete accountability for
! ^' K# j3 k' c4 i# Vthe quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work  throughout the facility.
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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining,constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
5 w5 \1 d7 k" e, X0 L4 Q. z3 P- Kcan ultimately surpass you.
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- ]! j1 F! m  P9 B$ L3 H1 QPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
7 n( T' X5 ?" }" R- JNone required, unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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- @! a/ ]- A3 NWAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them!
& t' M* y, ?4 f. j& nOffering frequent raises and bonuses.
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
9 {4 o' E2 R1 T! r# w; N# `$ @of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
" d6 C2 l. }* E5 [The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

1 p) y7 C7 e  U9 `/ n' B4 k( L% X6 gBENEFITS:
While no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
$ t6 A2 |* b2 h' H) A& z. eno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
# O. s" V; ~1 [, Z1 q0 {; Y5 ^no stock options are offered,
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
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for life if you play your cards right.
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; o: W( a! g: r! V! U' }, R" {** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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8 G8 ~- u; J6 J% wForward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
letting them know they are appreciated
for the fabulous job they do...
3 G7 I) u9 G9 T- f3 [( Xor forward with love
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.

billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.