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Modern Definitions

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发表于 2009-12-2 14:01 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words. ! \! v* o! @0 y$ L

, o/ P( S0 l$ @$ b1 a( W! H* c4 EThe following were some of this year’s winning entries:
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5 U8 c( I: C+ J2 k. M1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon. % E/ Q0 q; B2 `7 P+ {# W

# R  y% f4 Y) E$ Y* d0 }1 I2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have . 4 l, I# k% ^/ l& b, V) z# r5 C$ U2 B
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3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 3 v! x. y% P. |$ W! B
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4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
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* i( {) x3 e6 v! w& _. [) S5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent 2 `6 S: _: {2 n3 _
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6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie. & G( \% y  n. ?3 L2 v

; K+ |3 _/ c8 x; R% ~8 L5 _7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
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8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash. / I$ I8 F% @  O

' F6 @# H6 _+ J  w9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. 2 p; D& D1 P9 X% B! {7 H

: @8 o: h. i/ N2 |( E$ N% R2 k10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
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! h1 x" Q2 a" t8 m, I0 }+ K3 G11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
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6 O8 K0 l1 m; W2 M. i12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you. 4 H4 e  P$ d0 P5 R4 y

6 ~, ]& y9 u. H5 p13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
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14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts. ' |+ [2 i+ U5 L. E- f
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15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there. + o7 x# Z7 S$ G! o# r+ C) U, H
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16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.
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