Modern Definitions

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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.

6 W0 m- k1 y2 T( i# O' l0 O, sThe following were some of this year’s winning entries:

1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
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* h' O% I3 d% v4 p) s8 C2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .
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3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
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5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

* u9 {$ n- H! q% ~6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
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7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.

  k" h, Y) a" v/ {9 S( Q9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

0 Y$ h+ Y8 M2 |/ v3 O# {( N+ K* z' F& _% \8 i10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
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3 v4 B* o- s4 y, Y6 `11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
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12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
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13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
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+ b' t  T* z6 N' L) V( n14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
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15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.