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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA: ?$ B# z% t4 F7 F( l
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, R1 F8 A8 {$ x" m 1. Bring your own house.
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and3 n4 y. O& Z6 c: y( }; g& O
hospital.8 q; O3 u( ~8 |" H% p
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3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder
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4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .1 m+ L2 [ Z+ x/ N; \
* q3 R& W! ~4 p4 H8 r; H# w: d 5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug
6 ?9 i7 Y+ k( Scapital of Canada .. H! x3 a2 B' Z5 I5 ~/ Y( x
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is6 W D/ q# ?- `$ L1 Q/ x- V5 T
$8.00/hour.3 B d+ {" A# ^
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.
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w0 r: H" k' Q: d; C 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money, S2 v/ K S' l- \' K/ v+ `
on a 15 year holiday ?& r, M+ G7 q' o8 h4 H9 f9 M
6 c) C' c- ?; w4 J3 H% c9 ? 9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas) _8 a& x- h& l6 s( Y5 ?* l( m l
prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)
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5 v' `# i; }: ^10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come
; I; z# ~# y$ [9 |, khere sick.
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11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 128 e, y, f3 h% g6 ^) D6 a* ^
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour# O2 G+ V7 }7 M7 V( i9 n
is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning." R9 y% T' X6 f# ?$ W/ H
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3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
) A: r4 p8 D# s- K! S1 eown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest3 ~; C( ?. s# i
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
" K" f" a( b1 Ego second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell: u4 O9 k4 V) M2 L8 u' D1 P
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.4 d% [5 T" r( @3 W( c$ N
6 [' v3 P( w) |0 i* b' [5 X- b( T4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
# p8 Y( k7 T6 S" S6 N: e7 kcussed out, and possibly shot.
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9 z0 I5 P' P$ [5 c5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that! d& M5 D- [8 ^" ?; W, V$ E6 Y, P
can get you shot.. f1 ^2 N' v% ? l% m
! |' U( y& Y( D* T2 t+ l6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour
! W ?6 e: t+ V' I4 xbarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
% l: q3 ^) }1 T( G) q$ x8 @day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and: D' b5 ^% s( w0 E8 G% a1 L
more construction starts everyday.
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# R& [6 B1 d# l4 q$ s7 d' |2 ]1 f, L/ _9 b 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
2 r {- o2 [3 U! Bdeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,0 z5 Q# N2 k7 a- `7 z' ~1 [
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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+ K" C1 r7 h* w) {8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
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9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the; k; j# U$ N9 V% u, t( s' y
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
. w5 C$ P1 v4 A( Z& |# w$ Izone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"& ^9 [7 e& Y% s$ O" x* h, R
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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9 S5 @3 x- }$ z& P0 m11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
6 x- m6 E- @4 r) J7 s4 {0 C5 `lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
* Y+ f# r- z* C' P9 D* iblankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
% ]" }: K( u! y* [5 h8 u5 i5 uvirtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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