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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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1. Bring your own house.
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, n. H. _8 @1 a! i- n: g4 p 2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and! z/ @5 h( O# V
hospital.$ a1 D' i; c* E
- U* _% V! a+ s7 \1 y) G 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder+ x* }0 ?0 t* E3 i- f
capital of Canada .' y( X2 p2 T u9 }) [( {* I
* \& w& _( a( y5 w 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .( M9 f5 F* e* e0 _3 ?
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug, F$ h; j5 k- e7 H
capital of Canada .
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
S( |& j5 f% F3 n$8.00/hour.! x% z; r( ^9 A. N) I) A3 e
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.2 R8 w* \8 x. m3 \, a2 [
& ]* j' u+ T$ q, l" w" J( p2 \ 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money# O% j3 o* F7 I. u. ?. X& m* C: e
on a 15 year holiday ?4 o" W t9 V( G8 B2 Z- g
8 _( ~1 S8 k% Q4 I1 a! V5 B( j 9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
4 K+ u0 _; U! Q5 N( F9 q- y9 fprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)
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9 o% E6 [3 S. f5 G10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come6 a+ c! Q+ [! y1 s! U5 R
here sick.
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11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12 H. ~0 ]* E! U: k2 x" ^+ i
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.
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" l3 Q( ^: w: l G THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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7 E1 F t; t ]$ \+ l' b. E2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
+ y! e2 k' Z" ~/ ^1 ^/ X, T3 Uis from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.( E" ~) ?# Q% J& [4 D
$ r# \8 L) @" r2 ^* ?$ A3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
* L2 @% U0 z: D) w: c, down version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
! j% G$ ~/ A# J- }, x+ dmuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires! j- K% V$ H, D! d
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell% T* r" S5 c- k, }8 s+ q5 {
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.' {% a% t0 V! u8 }- y4 ~) N% W
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4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,7 V# b6 q- r; m9 u7 u
cussed out, and possibly shot.
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/ Z$ s* k }5 w# a5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that
/ U* C: T4 |2 T' {( c0 qcan get you shot.! w7 _ ]4 ~( [0 U2 J. g
: R- l" b k/ b2 @; N$ v6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour
9 [6 e9 w$ {. mbarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
8 x( Y# V2 W- ~4 C: P7 B+ M( }day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
7 h, R+ Q! h8 p9 O7 omore construction starts everyday.& ^$ ?7 a! H% a" R f" |# ^
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7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
0 ?" o: A" B3 E) d; edeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
. |5 }( z& z, B& H7 j9 N9 r% a+ Usquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all; l3 v( T/ j# D
the same road.: e( U2 i5 z: }) J& Y
0 V( c& Y; g* g& F) H, E9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the6 P- v) l4 T6 ~) n1 ]9 K' U
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally8 C& Q% V" t7 E" V; M
activated."# [* c0 y" B' a
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10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km! |4 \/ T( l! E9 e4 b1 z0 e
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"- G7 g8 j7 F' U8 m( s: J1 n9 J
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.1 Z7 _- W" ?4 R" f) S4 ~1 X5 Q
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11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
* y7 y: C: k; h1 b0 clined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and+ o2 ?& k8 H4 z
blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is3 W6 _7 n3 M' t/ a* v: T, c; K
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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