请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
7 D$ W: t% ~  B5 M2 H. c* hHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
9 ]2 q% e1 C/ D' {% g/ t$ e7 z8 H





1 w2 m- A5 m. G
/ t- ]6 K: H) T6 L/ ?7 eFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
1 Q5 {* k9 K4 Y& }+ R              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
6 f( U0 t! f. `' e; ?& E              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
$ _6 N4 J% c/ L2 m0 cHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
2 k$ L5 A# w' ]. Z$ L             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
0 ^2 L. K; ~6 k! D% D9 T0 p             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
, B; O2 R) }, B) \& F( r( WNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
% [% _+ ?! s7 K! M; H             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
+ u) y$ O9 O; b' M+ o/ }: cFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
/ l1 C: R4 ?; {. |) s4 a               I am 一个人de精彩
+ q3 f3 X% J6 i; a4 v               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
6 y1 q7 q$ r9 w( w! x, h& `- V, X3 cBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

% v; w! k" e  `# j卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
6 S- W6 \% z' {0 P: _Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
6 \: O, g7 g9 d4 W0 s+ k9 E, ]Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
5 @0 j/ z" l9 P1 y) _3 cSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
# Y. S- b: }6 G( f8 B* KSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
+ O% L; D5 O& ^0 x3 \  O% q2 qSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
* _% N$ `9 g! |( d$ bSomehow I lost myself inside it again
8 x5 R( ]. Q, A/ z/ P
( H) m/ Y& a; V. Y+ @+ {0 k" B) GSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
9 |! C; @. Q& l% k7 D8 R( e1 [Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
% j8 e+ j5 H/ o0 _" |================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
* S6 u% ~% j( }- w) O6 M  k
3 B7 A4 X9 Z+ a7 S. {0 }) j" xsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
- ]+ \# X/ h% W5 W- X我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？