请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
0 M7 ~1 t$ k& [Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
. }0 [. b) x9 {( q1 B3 d5 uThanks a lot!!!
% x% q/ M* z- I" I. ?+ A
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
1 u) M% X5 r% Q* Z              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
7 W8 h8 Z, v3 }8 L              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
. h- e# O- m' H% D: J1 r# ^# A( e              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
) a, i9 u0 Q0 {- |! t5 r! p              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
/ E) E# a( D/ m# [5 r" AHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
1 a) x3 H1 n9 a$ j4 o             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
9 S% M% L& J% N# a             somehow I lost myself inside again
) s. Q# f( N% L! b( u" jNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
5 J, a# S  Q& `$ P% O  e             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
- \& [, ^: v& w               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

$ o' Q" Y, \6 [1 ~卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
/ @3 N4 \; {( b2 m8 U5 {Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
" k( Z& j: s, T. `2 y5 T  dSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
  r: K% c  u$ n8 ~6 s. ^: ~: F' h5 YSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
- I& Z1 g0 T" t- I2 CSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
8 }( g. Y- k* p+ V) \2 vSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
" \5 B- b1 E. y, h( F5 ]+ S2 WSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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$ b7 t+ {; |; R4 psomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
( T+ U/ x$ W7 x; f=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
: J5 H" q7 I1 i3 Z/ P) C我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？