请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
9 @1 L9 W& C8 G: S, JBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
9 I4 x3 ?! u" v) c              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
4 `, c, D9 o. W0 ]              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
. v7 I, P( |6 x! L3 v             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
) b. ^3 F) S( Z& s) e             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
' v+ b, s1 {% m2 S6 n. L               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
' ^5 l& k1 L. v# w) D$ m6 [: ?3 mBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
  O/ E" L2 V- x  x$ P8 D  j4 f: OSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
, N; V4 L5 C/ _' }0 Q" eSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
5 a0 F. X+ T* s) k# RSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
( ?, F6 R, c( S( r$ F& P
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
1 V% }& K5 q, KSomehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
- p5 E: u$ N2 V2 R: v) U2 c& NSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
6 M. D1 D/ z: b0 `+ L3 O=====================================================================
$ d6 S  I: @7 N. t+ Q0 l# p6 lsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

5 n. Z" r5 `) x; I5 N+ L5 _哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？