请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
, K& @- c3 u6 p& j# oHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
; r9 G* M( B# a* C( `' E- M0 VThanks a lot!!!
* M4 H# B; w2 i. H- ?


. f' y8 H2 s! y& {


. }9 ~$ |5 _! g+ X( N6 {
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
, J! \1 R5 V! M1 L1 }+ Z              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
7 q) U4 o+ U8 b* A              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
! L/ T" k3 U3 y              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
: `. ?" A0 u; ~8 u8 f0 ]/ d' D2 M# IHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
1 d( x9 S. M4 |8 m( Z  u) v: c% [             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
. f# B4 z, ?# mNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
0 e0 K7 f$ l  t7 v$ r, v4 uBasically, I almost finish this poem
# {. `$ G" m9 x" F8 A               I am 一个人de精彩
0 f! L8 r2 t8 E7 E9 D* W- y               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

2 Q! w! y- u) s7 Q$ y$ E9 B卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

4 ~2 ?  k8 a, w. d7 G4 m1 o# T

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
* }6 {; e. q2 PSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
" b4 ?9 c& h; i* M. n1 Z2 XSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
: i% N4 a  {; |+ @. ~' [$ w; _Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
5 p# L5 I3 m3 FSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
& j' P0 \5 H0 w1 k, M2 }) y( t
6 R7 |# q, ?( @5 x* {Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
/ P9 Q) w/ T+ R4 O; S. W  Q7 LSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
# ^$ `& T) J; q! C================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

+ E, |! x) _' _+ M- C" zsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？