Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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+ d8 F; z; m' J* C& ~  o) N; _6 N> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
( G& {' ]# M3 S/ x6 s> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
8 n& t! L  `! Y1 y8 j> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
1 J8 Z  N  N2 ]4 w. s* ^> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
7 y1 h* x4 h) H6 |8 N! p> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
2 @+ t6 J3 C3 T>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
9 c; h& S% |$ ^9 Y7 Z> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
8 ?% O" Y  X" j8 @> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
) F# {/ }( F' k7 N" l( P# ^! n> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
2 d+ \5 e: q  `2 e> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
7 L; r8 m/ c. o- e# f( h> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
- ]" u3 c8 u' S4 B> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
5 a1 J+ O) C9 f4 O% C# X, c6 d' e> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
* d' t# u- D0 u6 _1 w! b3 c" c: I0 S> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
0 f& u# B% t3 F. |> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
- Q3 x1 M, ^2 V! y5 ?> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
7 r3 [- ^$ L! k4 o2 B> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
) u6 P/ ?: L! L* S6 f> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
6 }! G7 Y. X3 Z> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
4 l3 D5 z1 b# ^2 ?> > > >you to go."
- y; `8 H6 J" |$ J$ I9 k5 w" q/ N8 |/ a> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
: U6 H" \3 n5 [& W8 [, B7 K2 o. _! W4 o> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
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2 F1 H3 b9 A: n) h# G6 S> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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) Y4 F6 m% p+ p6 Y" @6 d! D> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
% k! p/ j1 l. ~* I2 \" J> > > >same sentence twice.
- T" k, x* Z; Z& }> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
) B; ~& ?( m5 c/ R4 `- q> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
" d7 E. A% E7 f1 j> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
7 I% J9 o' K: C; \  r3 }8 D> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
$ J5 c/ N8 S! Y> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
+ @8 R* ?% j3 }* }5 B+ j> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
$ P0 O( X& L+ Q2 t3 N> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
2 Z$ b: l4 Q" c) P> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
7 y8 _7 _, t& K' o> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
1 `" b9 s% H* `7 Q4 Z> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business