Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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- E- `- |; o/ K7 X( \> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
' d- J8 t7 {" i9 V> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
, z( L, o3 x% ]. W7 c. L> > > >little TONY.
0 Q+ g9 Q0 U2 J5 N> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
8 @/ |- @! D8 p> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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1 z# i' P! ^; c# `> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
- Y3 k% M& K9 p: C! p>cream.
( j! i. N% y8 \/ E4 d> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
! _" f$ f* @1 Z$ t" c' R4 q> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
8 Z( C( b3 o& L> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
' A4 E* O2 q- R( {& ?. k0 M4 v> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
5 x- p+ @5 B) y( E, Y> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
) x0 y4 Y) H% S1 V% z7 v! E> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
9 x% S: y2 D4 c> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
+ z7 B4 L) K6 m% a8 e4 o> > > >"That's what I said!"
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1 m0 A4 e$ [8 Q7 U$ t> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
8 m8 n- `9 p% _9 z  k> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
" T- M5 A, ?" v" p4 \  m. H> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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+ Y- r- P  P7 @> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
  j( z# w3 p8 O  u( A% W> > > >piss!!"
2 T. s. Y  g5 ]3 W2 V  `> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
: }( ~( s2 R3 G! W> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
' ]$ h+ r; I3 h- ?) |> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
! B- u, J# C6 ^7 z> > > >you to go."
3 ~0 j; F$ H/ N> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
5 t/ v/ }/ ~/ \! F* c% }' V4 d2 N> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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. s1 l9 d  a( ]1 X> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
" s8 g" C) t0 e> > > >same sentence twice.
5 e9 Z: ^1 _9 d/ m> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
( G% x! |2 L9 h: j6 w& i5 ~> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
  J3 q/ {2 p; F> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
* }0 }+ s7 k# u7 v& y0 `> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
" N7 S, c8 H9 W+ t> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
4 x. w. s* K% P: R> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
8 T0 j! u% H7 a% l> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
7 t4 Y1 a, U  X& E( W> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business