Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
> > > >
> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
6 |) s; k& f/ Q8 l( |* V1 W" J> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
" r- I6 q1 z* y& f1 |> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
& v5 @' ?7 s- S> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
% h( l! H: y! f2 b>thinking."
- Z5 x' a1 D# I  [  ~> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
! W& \; M7 O% D0 ^7 u2 k> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
2 e  H; Q' [8 B> > > >Which one is married?"
/ i' {6 {. ]5 n/ k# h' o> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
4 w7 O; e# R( X$ F8 F- C> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
" v) v$ m  `- n, b> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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6 \; o. n- x. c4 }, ?. r> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
# H" N, b% s; X9 i4 h/ B" ]> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
% E4 [3 v# b6 a: U> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
& y- k. d0 q6 x* L7 C> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
( L1 R9 U+ z/ Y. v# t3 X) z' m> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
9 `7 T9 m) g5 Q" h+ U+ C0 V> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
# R4 w+ S1 s( t' y  \, R> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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+ F# \- E9 q' y  l: v> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
" V+ M# x  l0 E> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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9 z3 B% y3 e/ n1 {> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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8 G+ L8 |! T+ Q$ ~> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
( u4 n) z4 D2 _* ]) d% |> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
5 H$ x7 L6 l  R# z' O9 d) L# Z  S> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
* v" Z: ^8 S) `> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
! Y5 r' d$ ~& }1 I  Q3 [8 N/ S> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
2 i1 F3 r; W2 L" u5 o& h> > > >allow
3 r8 E0 B2 T% i2 g; p> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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/ U- n9 m: D9 _6 r4 B  `& X> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
' t$ j5 t  L& G! c> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
' i7 Q) v- l% S; r8 z; V+ J> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
- q0 N0 Q. N9 s+ J2 t% b+ c  x> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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; z" a1 e" _7 i2 R$ d2 [% i# K> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
& J8 F  ~3 y8 e> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
+ m# i; ?3 G" ^! l! w. B9 A+ m4 Z; r> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
5 U  w: m7 c% t& u; X> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
7 r6 p9 t6 t$ X  ?> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
( M3 ?$ C* c5 Z, n. ?> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business