Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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: H4 W, w" k. M, t, d/ Z" d4 H* q4 K" T> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
$ I$ \2 b- N$ U. |+ Z) r2 n> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
. ~& C" c8 n+ h/ H5 j- n: k6 {> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
7 A% \/ ^' L% o1 \# k3 {) w6 b, E+ z> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
' r1 F; X% p0 [, T> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
' e, F/ i6 ~$ Y0 o) i2 W' K> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
0 U$ Z! ]# ~/ k5 J' Q* ?/ l>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
- {5 B! ?2 t- g2 M: s3 \> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
/ `! `2 s! w* w" _) R2 F  p> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
. q% A& q0 Z3 h: B6 \6 q0 }% e> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
" C* E% Z1 J- F  u1 k> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
7 @& J# A, G* g7 F0 E/ v0 N> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
" N& o% \/ w' s& h  S> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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8 R; {  H* s5 B7 A# ~2 m; [> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
$ F) m: U6 H! B$ U, j6 U5 `. F> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
; Y& J! _2 d; j5 T+ h  X! H" A> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
0 E" d' {8 c' S> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
9 B9 x& M& j( O+ E) u1 m> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
/ o2 n" _' I0 s7 N- g7 K> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
1 R0 u, O. p: i> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
# [  a9 p2 [$ W4 w: f* r, G> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
( ?8 w2 d; c/ I+ q> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
$ k! ^  E; P( `& g  C# `> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
. u9 F0 e, H$ h> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
4 T8 q- A  h1 c# `> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
0 ?/ t+ d2 Q7 B( d> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
4 L6 f$ p: k* Y' e- Z' ?/ g> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
/ O4 U: ]2 J' y> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
4 e" p+ [' z0 p, j5 D" ]> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
( l# _/ Q5 {( T+ i! n  r4 C+ ?> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business