Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
1 }+ ^) O) f( M: Z> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
0 e7 T) E0 t5 o0 V4 l  w> > > >little TONY.
# d$ U  G: e6 ^: w+ V5 P: h2 B- e2 w> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
. n: h/ T% H% C; e5 [( k> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
# \, |; @9 f( m: Z  y: Z/ D>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
1 ]* e0 Y: I3 g* T0 W> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
& D+ w0 D) U# s> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
) s2 ~/ F* Y- U% ~9 X: Y> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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> > > >
& c% G- F* n! t. Q> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
8 K8 _, X9 J/ y; `, t3 Y% i> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
6 a0 m2 r. U% K: \7 ~> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
0 u6 M- t/ p0 o% x  L( A3 b# a> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
$ f1 I! v9 X  G> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
, o! S4 m. R% ~. w1 \) N> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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6 t5 M- g- A0 G  ?1 i" N> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
' E* I" b+ }/ Q8 f( R; B> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
8 [' k9 g9 H/ r" f2 [0 k2 s> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
3 A1 p6 u& Z6 F: P: K> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
5 z% f2 e0 _7 ]" ^" E4 v1 m> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
4 f0 X" @" Y# N+ s+ M& p# w( O> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
, O% E! {: C! i1 U> > > >same sentence twice.
' g9 _+ w6 O% E4 t7 N3 _> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
' c8 ?( S0 V" ^; G# l. W7 w> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
" Y4 N7 v; K, G& @0 t8 K> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
7 L9 k$ r/ U( Q- M0 f> > > >beautifully."
' j" }- Z: u- z! v' L> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
: Q; z, }" {- }  x- y' ~> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
& d, H5 T* m+ j, b> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
- W  h' [$ G5 J> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
* q2 G+ ]8 M; D- _' ^" I; U1 @( q> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
3 _( x! P0 ~$ v> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
! j9 y  M1 |5 M8 {5 c6 |$ U( E. D> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
$ Z6 Y0 S$ @9 r# N$ r4 L> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business