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[其他] 办公室新政策(ZT搞笑))

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鲜花(47) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 08:41 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dress Code:
0 _. k  O7 I; N, p7 @; x$ p1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   : C- b' T8 K1 U% N& r5 Z
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. : |, o( e: u4 X# v
3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. " h% b1 s4 |  }
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
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. D6 l5 h9 f: B. D0 h8 E) @7 nSick Days: $ b; A! g) i) E
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. * C# @: U! @! u4 c. T9 Q! E. x
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Personal Days: / L& b5 q+ k: X0 t+ ]) X* ?
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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Bereavement Leave:
. _% T6 {9 I  |, w( s1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
' e8 W: u4 F1 S. t3 O# I2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
, o8 F5 {* [- T8 ]* Y0 j0 y7 @+ S3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   ' z( L; e* A, x! |# X
4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. 9 C. J) {# b0 q, T& z6 T

  M8 {9 e: ]& H! T8 _Bathroom Breaks:
* }3 [, N; \" O5 U6 W& c1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
8 }2 t. f5 k7 `% c6 J/ K2 f2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
, y1 Q- w6 }  i+ T. ?+ w+ X2 {3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
# H1 T. H* ~; A9 ~2 G3 L7 N4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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; e! ?: [! n/ w# zLunch Break:
+ p+ D8 u8 ~  }( T1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
7 _7 E1 x; s% y/ a5 D4 |/ _2 r2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
' Z6 H4 [( i( P- V% H3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. 1 z; _% T" J. B  z# o9 b; r
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Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
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The Management
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Pass this on to all who are employed.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 10:16 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-25 06:39 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(6) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-8-25 21:01 | 显示全部楼层

这一句实在是太油菜了!

老杨团队 追求完美
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-26 21:44 | 显示全部楼层
not very understand.
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