Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

3 s; L2 h) }& Y# E) Q- g$ \% RSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

; P* M5 ^0 h. i2 r( t) o8 MFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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& p/ o+ m" Q+ y" W- vMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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& x. @3 R4 `! Y- aWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

% U/ d; q2 d4 c3 ZINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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4 C/ Q! A8 ?5 ?: y/ FPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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0 }/ a! g3 c; i" ]6 jIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
4 z; Q1 a' l, JBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
, C4 g# p7 i( h) q! s, i- x                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵