Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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( d! D( u+ s+ T' l: yCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
! B  e* A8 O" @8 h; }BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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; o' o# T" K: e7 e7 L* S- i5 rVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

- t8 b- Z5 r# i2 `STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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+ w  N' ?$ u/ j0 j' vSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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$ s; J0 G( ]9 S8 C0 F3 wMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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6 \9 A! o, A; p) X: o+ u5 G$ PPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
+ D: h/ c2 I( z0 iWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
8 |" z% d' G: WBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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& e3 Y# [. ^: a% |* yWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

! @9 Y+ v* K; v, E# n                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵