Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
& ?7 S% ?. i$ O, Q) ~CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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/ [" C+ _: E; N: ^* N9 ]6 c  TBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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/ ~2 s4 S" O! {# JBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

  J  O  e( C% i: }. f. oSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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2 N1 ^1 M) T' I( N$ T7 F+ QSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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1 ?6 u0 S+ p9 q  K2 Y( U/ AIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
" {& \6 }# J6 M, RWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
" ~1 M3 k6 w4 P- uWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
( I+ C# O' |$ D! k" W9 {3 y0 UBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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- J( ~1 V  u, J) Q% q7 y                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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! d# Z! o" |& e3 n3 o: ?3 Y% @/ nPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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: x; b# s" I( N& Y                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵