Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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9 f. u7 o7 N+ g5 q' b$ {CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

' L; B' _; q, L- {BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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' d3 l6 O' w1 B* [3 H+ RVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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1 D4 @1 S+ n: N: P* S& d  ?P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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# s" L" T' O' Z5 Y  gSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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0 Y4 l1 s3 e0 u9 H- B' `INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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7 A3 m: m# ]- x  }PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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% t' H+ v6 v5 P+ q1 ]If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
2 M9 w9 l  [6 k0 L% c# m. ]With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
. g" v0 F# Z" i( gBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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0 O, R  n0 |; J$ s. NPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵