Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

1 @& k! [, H8 j# ^CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

: s4 V, b3 `- }7 n# Y9 QBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
2 O+ {) G: T  U; t  h
1 L  h% L; d& n' UVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
$ U6 _4 H* B5 ^/ Y$ {) H
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
. m/ n0 c0 Z! h8 H
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

1 \! w: f7 ?9 s9 P3 W3 V5 OSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

* N  i6 j0 @$ PSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
: t1 P6 n5 D/ m7 E5 X1 o; Y
$ h" I% U8 L# w; h/ a" [2 s/ @FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
0 T/ A" F: G4 s& n, x4 W/ r, g
- d( n0 f' Q( W$ n2 nWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
# H9 v! u5 I- L8 R, u5 R+ v0 w
% {1 `5 |% n# a5 z5 G, tINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

; Z! C* {; q) L% B7 aPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
& e- r& {! e! @+ [- H# [
7 k2 Y  n+ U% L" x+ M```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
* R  p% g& r5 `6 d2 g2 K  mWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
) ?0 _, T2 k0 G! I; s1 q
                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
1 \" M# m4 O. x8 @' d& B                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵