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* n( `/ ?8 Z! j2 ]- h: t% eCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. + ]7 t) I) i/ u, S. U: P
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
- Q& R; f: y: h8 e3 x: a; b6 g9 WBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. ( G3 k3 g3 Q0 n3 v5 T* X
E" p8 W# n0 f1 x, y# r \VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. ( I! p. G( U# I% }+ Z5 x
! Z5 F' I4 g2 L2 H# UP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. ) v0 }) H) V, ?) D5 Z9 _
" y1 e9 S8 P& D } OBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. ( w4 q3 t. J* y$ \1 K* z0 I
5 K- A) L% k' u& ^$ |STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.0 @" V7 t5 T, C/ J$ _. [
) i5 P) i- x- P: |STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. - ^: h0 x1 a* v B( i
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. % e2 X0 T I+ x0 P
+ s4 O* R- \. V7 W4 J4 CMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. & z5 t3 s4 n: q8 @' e) Z
( ~ D( ^3 U6 r7 ?* v- ICASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. 5 N. m& u' H$ V/ q
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. 7 u ]9 e [% b" r' W+ z2 N3 C
y6 k$ }" o8 f# \WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. P0 b' w& D7 [5 \% V- f: U
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.3 f& k( u: j9 L; A0 {) {$ @
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
' `+ | s2 D$ ?, ?With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
( Z! M' ~* l4 }* m6 SWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
0 |6 n+ T# x9 q# pBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
5 B, t. ^* L# g8 wBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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+ f q" a0 |1 M- i- D% iWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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0 C! J. t1 W$ r2 j A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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% x$ w+ L; @' _Politicians and diapers have one thing in common... ; s/ J$ \8 j* v- ]
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...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
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狗仔卡
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26
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