Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

& M- i& i8 l1 M$ Z2 B  lCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
* c( h; E  y3 ^$ LCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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  j, ]3 J/ x1 f/ w' s9 _- x$ [  kVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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, Z3 V9 f* q# o# Z6 EP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

0 J, R" o7 {4 O, d, QSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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4 \: p% m1 g* W9 c8 X9 zSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

$ n5 h2 z, m3 H3 |  _8 gYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

- }+ }/ K9 |, ~) i% VWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

) a7 ?3 i0 w. M/ M. o7 D+ tPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
# a6 z* s% a& q0 m! WWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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  D' ~3 s3 j% z8 P8 z5 q+ Q8 [. {Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵