Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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; H' [0 w7 p: c' L) {3 \" P( @CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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/ c) m$ }$ {4 D/ ]: O6 VVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

6 X' q% t% i7 j- ?P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

  F* m6 m: e! z* g2 kBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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+ i5 `9 e: }; Y9 P) s; \STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

9 f' h: Y0 N% J! LSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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) S$ R2 Q0 U; n  l: w/ Z/ LMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

- `( \0 K, M# V& u" L' p# Z. wCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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1 s9 c% W& O- k% P* N% h+ h. ^WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

+ S1 }! X$ H3 z+ @8 @7 O+ VINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

9 i! j7 b/ k& \/ E9 @- \( nPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
  g- S6 M6 Q, g* Z4 q. M& yWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
" M3 m1 p* Q, \' |" i% g2 VBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
8 @. ], u1 \5 L& Y, VBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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6 j- k! l. e/ m; q, V, [; eWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

6 Y5 e+ E7 S5 }( |% m3 q9 P+ q% F                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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- W* F9 ?( G4 O; _Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵