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Modern Definitions

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发表于 2009-12-2 14:01 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words. " [5 Z+ U% C$ ^  k3 y: Z) ?6 ^. }0 A
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The following were some of this year’s winning entries: ) ^/ A% _) \; d
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1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon. 4 s( V( P+ G1 L+ S: d0 e
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2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .
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3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
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4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
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5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
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6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie. ' C2 t( U' {3 f2 y
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7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
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8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
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8 ?! J* i- \6 ?  l# t9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. : n7 X" {9 c: G% n" v
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10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. : u% \+ E3 q; R
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11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam. : \) Q* D; g4 F5 p' A' O+ E5 c; k

0 [7 P$ y$ k2 o: i12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you. 8 m8 E6 |" c9 u5 t2 A" t( m% m

) _2 J; I( x5 i( |13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions. ! r* d* ~% Y1 C2 U( n# g

# n4 ]5 C+ k4 G$ R* p14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts. 6 `6 o- k9 J  a" D) g
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15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
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& Y; ^% a  r8 g; t% B16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.
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