A Purrfect Joke

billzhao

Q: What color is a happy cat?
A: Purr-ple!
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/ r; f! k* p% E1 c* O& ~Explanation: Cats make two common sounds- they meow and they purr (they can also howl and screech but those sounds are not as common).  Purring is that low, rumble that you can feel on a cat’s neck under its chin.  Purring is a sound that a cat makes when it is happy.
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Purple, as you know, is a color.
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/ P# c+ O1 e* D2 k- SThis joke is funny because it plays with the pur in purple and purr. I hope you have a purrfect day!

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=6&v=joilTJ7f8KY

billzhao

Q: Why did the teacher wear sunglasses during class?
% r7 J7 r& Z9 \; V8 f$ WA: Because her students were so bright!

$ t+ z5 w( z: S' i$ }Explanation: Have you ever seen a teacher wear sunglasses while teaching in a classroom?  I haven’t.  Most people only wear sunglasses when they are outside in the sun.  The light from the sun is so bright that it is good for your eyes to shade them with sunglasses.

' ~0 G( i3 W+ N$ n( g4 NStudents who are smart can also be called bright.  In this case, smart and bright are synonyms.

) A2 f) o1 `5 qThis joke is funny because it plays with two meanings of the word bright: giving off lots of light and smart.


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billzhao

Q: What can you catch but not throw?
" u' y( C$ ^2 i3 {0 s% LA: A cold!

" f; Q# H; d% IExplanation: Are you familiar with the expression, to catch a cold?  when you catch a cold you get a cold (runny nose, sneezing, maybe coughing, …) from someone else.  Cold sometimes means the opposite of hot but in this joke it refers to getting sick.

1 f; S( B# f% q( {Normally when you catch something, like a ball or a frisbee, you can throw it back to someone.  You can catch a cold but you cannot throw it… although you can pass a cold along to someone else.  So, if you are sick, if you have a cold, please take care of yourself so you do not pass it on to someone else.
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( g  V3 o" i, D$ N. mThis joke is funny because it plays with the word catch (catch a ball) and the phrase catch a cold. Stay healthy!

billzhao

Q: Why do bees have sticky hair?
A: They use honey combs!

/ y& X& r- C/ S3 |0 UExplanation: You already know that bees make honey.  Honeycomb is where honey is stored in the hive.  The honeycomb is made of many hexagons (a 6 sided figure like a snowflake or nuts and bolts) that are made of wax.

# e* v' W  Y3 J) R2 _) T9 e7 NA comb is used to make your messy hair neat.  When you run the comb through your hair or pass the comb through your hair you are combing your hair.
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; x7 Z- K3 \" U3 {9 s' x# GThis joke is funny because it plays with the words comb and honeycomb.  And obviously, bees do not have hair that needs a comb like people do.  (Bees, though, do have hair.)

billzhao

Q: What do you call a cow with two legs?
A: Lean meat!

8 g8 @( j7 q. B: L7 f- r5 ]# r6 oExplanation: For some reasons I find cows to be funny, like this joke.

When something leans it is not quite straight up and down, it is a tilted like the Leaning Tower of Pisa or Leaning Cow Wine.  If a cow had only two legs it would, at a minimum, lean; most likely it would fall over.
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Lean meat is meat is meat that does not have much fat.
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This joke is funny because it plays with two meanings of the word lean.

billzhao

Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Of course!  Buildings can’t jump!

Explanation: Kangaroos are well known for being able to jump high and far with their powerful legs.  Buildings, on the other hand, cannot jump.
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This joke is funny because the expected answer is that no, kangaroos cannot jump higher than the Empire State Building (they can only jump about 30 feet).  Everyone knows that buildings cannot jump. Because we know that buildings cannot jump, we are thinking about the kangaroo jumping as high as the 1,250 foot Empire State Building. Clearly impossible!
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5 _, a* s- x2 _2 uWhat if we replaced the Empire State Building with a frog so the question reads, “Can a kangaroo jump higher than a frog?”  Now we know that we are comparing who can jump higher.  It all depends on how you understand the question and what the kangaroo is compared to.  Logic says the answer to the question is no but the joke looks at the illogical and we laugh.

billzhao

Knock Knock.
' O2 g% |" v" S3 N: I( i' lWho’s there?
5 ~( y) d$ B1 X2 jA little old lady.
A little old lady who?
) H. `  n$ M; D. J) q2 C+ ~I didn’t know you could yodel!

Ah, the beauty of a knock knock joke and Alpine music.  Yodeling is a type of singing where the singer changes the voice from falsetto singing (high singing like the Bee Gees) to normal singing and back again.  It is commonly associated with the Alps of Europe but is also found in other cultures.
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The words “little old lady who” sound a bit like yodeling and that is what makes this joke funny.

In the 1970s there was a TV commercial for hot chocolate that used a bit of yodeling
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=4&v=SP-UUrWm-3M
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billzhao

Q: Why did the boy run around his bed?
7 ]4 A/ j2 F; {A: Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!
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1 L# P+ b+ f: S: |7 UExplanation: To catch up on something (such as sleep) is to do something you have not had time to do.  You catch up on sleep by sleeping more after a time of little sleep.  You can also catch up on the latest news by reading/ watching today’s news (or the newest tweets on Twitter, for example).  Someone might say, “When I returned from vacation I had to catch up on the news/ my emails/ my homework …
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To catch someone is to chase after that person until you can touch him or her.  You might catch someone in a race; a police officer might catch a criminal.  (You can also catch a ball but that is a different meaning).
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This joke is funny because it plays with the different meanings of the word catch and the phrasal verb catch up on.

billzhao

Q: How do you keep an elephant from charging?
. N% c/ X9 ^# M1 ]$ G; FA: Take away its credit cards!

Explanation: When an elephant runs towards you or something else, we say the elephant is charging, much like a bull might charge (run) at the cape of a matador.  To charge is also to pay for something by credit card. The beginning of the joke makes us think of how to stop an elephant from running at something- very difficult to do!
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- c! J5 a3 ?: eThis joke is funny because it plays with the two of the meanings of the word charge: a way of moving forward and using a credit card.
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The word charge has many other meanings, such as charging your phone or to accuse someone of doing something wrong.

billzhao

Q: What is the best time to go to the dentist?
" y: b; q( x6 Z9 U) g7 N! RA: 2:30 (Tooth hurty!)
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7 [' T( q+ z, L/ JExplanation: A bad joke for the new year… and I hope your teeth (one tooth, two teeth) do not hurt!
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: A/ [) c4 M" }% ?  T4 rThis joke is funny because two thirty (2:30) sounds the same as tooth hurty.  You’re right, ‘hurty’ is not a real word.  A child might use the word ‘hurty’ or ‘owie’ or ‘boo boo’ to say that something hurts: “I have a tooth hurty.”  It’s not common but it happens.  If your tooth really hurts it is time to go to the dentist no matter the hour of the day.

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We have to convice ourselves that two thirty is pronounced exactly as tooth hurty, because many Americans are lazy in speaking clearly and even pronoucing the h sound.

billzhao

: What do you call a cow with no legs?
( u% G: |+ \6 R9 l3 F) k+ z/ e/ vA: Ground Beef!

. g3 i% S5 E1 K3 \) l3 |: XExplanation: Beef is a type of meat that comes from cows, cattle. When this meat is put through a grinder it is called ground beef.  Ground beef is the type of meat that is found in hamburgers and other dishes.

This joke is funny because it plays with the word ground.  Ground is the land you stand on when you are outside.  Ground is also the past tense of the verb grind, to reduce something to small particles.

7 a; M( F5 z+ S% W  S- e2 ^0 B; |1 ^If a cow has no legs it would be on the ground, therefore, ground beef.

billzhao

Frankenstein: Hey witch, can you make me a glass of lemonade?
Witch: Poof!  You’re a glass of lemonade!

. E! Z* C4 A* n2 Q6 eExplanation: The word ‘poof‘ in this joke is the sound of a witch casting a spell.  (I could have used the word zap or another magic word.)
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5 O& j, W! |! EWhen you hear the question, “Can you make me a lemonade?” you expect the answer to be a yes, a no, or something like that. Maybe a, “Sorry, we have no lemons.”  In this case the witch turned Frankenstein into a glass of lemonade with magical powers and that makes this joke funny.
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$ h6 D0 R1 j6 r; y/ x8 G" G: LHere is the book Frankenstein

billzhao

Q: What do ghosts read?
1 k# f) G. B9 X; N; `: TA: Booooks!

Explanation: Ghosts say, “Boo!” when they come out to scare you.  Of course books are for reading.  This joke is funny because it combines the word ‘boo’ with the word ‘books.’  Ok, it’s only sort of funny but it made me giggle.
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. N! C: i( I- r$ ?: G0 BThe Reason Ghosts Say ‘Boo’ Is Downright Adorable

billzhao

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6 A" [. \7 p) T: n# {Q: What do you call an American drawing?
A: Yankee doodle!

Explanation: There is a famous American song titled Yankee Doodle Dandy and a well known poem with a similar name. A doodle is a drawing, like you might make in your school notebook.

' N- Q* M" m9 H% V" D7 MThis joke is funny because an American drawing might be called an American doodle; Yankee is a name for an American, especially during the Revolution.

9 c9 c  v. O0 e. S, @- i* hhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=69&v=7XZQZ8KL3as


9 w# ^( ^9 ~- S! V% Rhttps://www.scoutsongs.com/lyrics/yankeedoodle.html

billzhao

Q: How did the soggy Easter Bunny dry himself?
2 S" g6 N8 a$ o! v) CA:  With a hare dryer!

. a0 W# H# ?/ oExplanation: The Easter Bunny is a character from folklore in the United States.  He is said to bring eggs to children on Easter Sunday.  Soggy means wet.  So how would a wet rabbit dry itself?  A hair dryer, perhaps.  Or in this case, a hare dryer.

6 |+ M+ Q3 q1 c. o! Y* L  O+ qHare and hair sound the same.  Hare is an animal that looks similar to a rabbit; hair grows on your head.
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billzhao

Q: What is a pirate’s favorite letter?
8 y* z2 j0 m: rA:  You might think it’d be R but ’tis the C they love!

/ l  ]2 T: u9 }# [* B" l9 E) ZExplanation: Pirates are known for saying “Arrrr.” But it is really the Sea (C) they love.

7 g6 G* s, T* O6 wOf course they love the sea (pronounced the same as C ), the ocean.  It’s where they sail their ships: upon the ocean.
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2 m/ t- ~- g5 ]8 ~( T( Z7 bThis joke plays with the traditional answer to this joke (R or arrgh) and adds a new idea.
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% X8 y- d, N/ B* }0 wDid Pirates Really Say “Arrrr”?

billzhao

Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
; L( B: c: r0 E1 jA: A gummy bear!

: v! B/ n) Y  Q* S9 ZExplanation: The soft, red part that your teeth seem to come out of is called your gums.  When you lose a tooth your gums will probably bleed a little but it is nothing to worry about.

A gummy bear is a type of candy (also spelled gummi bear).  I like how they feel when I bite into them.
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& e6 l  R. z: V! g# N2 c& EA bear that has no teeth probably still has gums.  This play on words makes him a gummy bear and makes this joke funny.


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billzhao

Q: What fruit do you eat when you are sad?
A: Blueberries.
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% U9 G: z6 M4 A! fExplanation: In English some colors are associated with feelings.  Blue is associated with sadness.  When you “feel blue” it means that you are feeling sad.
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If the berries are blue then are they sad?  Only in this joke are berries sad; it is the double meaning of the word ‘blue’ that makes this joke funny (the color and being sad).
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billzhao

Q: What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
) [$ G. p- B  a# V/ KA: A tuba toothpaste.
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Explanation: A ‘tuba‘ is a large musical instrument, a brass instrument, that plays very low notes when you blow into it.
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A tube of toothpaste is, well, toothpaste that comes in a tube and it is usually kept in the bathroom.

; Q* u# G) j& r4 pIf you say “tube of toothpaste” fast it sounds like “tuba toothpaste” and that is what makes this joke funny.

billzhao

Q: Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
A: Because you can see right through them!
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; j/ v0 R; X3 S9 w- Q7 WExplanation: To “see through” someone means to understand them, what they really mean, to understand the truth.  You can “see through” someone who is telling a lie; that is, you can tell that they are lying, not telling the truth.

3 W7 Y  Z8 `" o3 q: E4 N; _2 h+ }Of course you can see through a ghost because ghosts are transparent.

billzhao

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to school?
7 B& g( ?* s& a0 t$ R' ?1 m3 NA: His heart wasn’t in it.
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  L! a4 j3 N4 b0 VExplanation: A skeleton is just your bones; nothing on the inside and nothing on the outside.  That means that there is no heart in a skeleton.

If your “heart isn’t in it” that means that you do not want to do something: Peter’s dad wanted him to play football but Peter’s heart wasn’t in it (he did not want to play football).

This joke is funny because of the double meaning: a skeleton does not have a heart and this skeleton did not want to go to school.

billzhao

Q: What’s the best thing to put into a pie?
5 r- T6 r  x  Z5 T' h% z! tA: Your teeth!
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8 A! r2 B8 ^/ ZExplanation:    Mmmmmm!  I love a good pie!  I love to sink my teeth into a good pie (“Sink your teeth into” is also an idiom)!

When someone asks you about putting something into a pie, most people think about what type of pie they like such as apple pie or French Silk pie.  This joke is funny because it gives an unexpected answer, your teeth, when the expected answer is a type of pie.

billzhao

Q: Why did the Easter egg hide?
A: Because he was a little chicken!

, F3 p& z/ E, ?Explanation:    An egg will soon become a chicken so you could say that an egg is a little chicken, a small chicken (OK, I know that an egg is not a chicken, not yet anyway, but that idea helps make this joke funny).
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“To be chicken” means to be scared: He’s too chicken to go down the slide = he’s too scared or too afraid to go down the slide.  Sometimes people hide when they are scared like in this scene from the movie Jurassic Park.
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So, when the egg hides it is a little chicken, both a scared chicken and and a small chicken!

billzhao

Q: Why shouldn’t you tell an egg a joke?
% Z8 N4 U! V+ M# S& c) |) [5 |A: Because it might crack up!

Explanation:  To crack up means to start laughing (sometimes it also means to to go crazy).  When you break an egg you first crack it open.

If an egg cracks up does it start laughing or does it just crack open?  This joke is funny because of the double meaning of the word ‘crack.’

billzhao

Q: Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
A: Because he was sitting on the deck!
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Explanation:  The flat part of sail boat (or pirate ship!) where you stand is called the deck.  A group of playing cards is called a deck of cards.  If you are sitting on a deck of cards you can’t play with them… and that’s what the pirate was doing!  Or maybe he was sitting on the deck of his ship.

! s! i# a7 I* I( bThis joke is funny because of the double meaning of the word ‘deck.’

billzhao

Q: What kind of cookies make you rich?
$ W" g3 Q6 k0 y) y6 E' |1 g0 ]A: Fortune cookies!
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* K, I$ m' |8 p& k( p( gExplanation: If you have a lot of money you have a fortune.  The cookies that they give you in Chinese restaurants are called fortune cookies.
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This joke is funny because it plays with the double meaning of the word fortune: a lot of money and a type of cookie.

billzhao

: What bug do knights hate?
A: Dragonflies!

Explanation: Bugs are insects.  A knight (sounds like night) is a soldier for a king or queen.  They often wore armor or a coat of mail and rode on horses.  In stories, knights sometimes fight dragons.

/ n) B, ^, [" O! lA dragonfly is an insect that eats mosquitoes.  They are beautiful and they do not bite people!

Knights hate dragons but not dragonflies– and that is why this joke is funny

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=14&v=q5-KoPvZDIU

billzhao

Q: What’s the difference between a teacher and a train??
A: A teacher says, “Spit out that gum!” and a train says, “Chew! Chew!”

/ U' D+ x7 _2 I8 l: Y, n% T& kExplanation: Or perhaps the train says, “Choo, choo?!?”

In most schools gum is not allowed.  If a teacher sees you chewing gum he or she will ask you to spit it out (even though there are some researched benefits of chewing gum).
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$ p- n5 B. m! p. r0 |: n- }Another name for a train is a choo choo and that sounds the same as chew- chew, probably because of the sound of the train whistle.

This joke is funny because it plays with the words “choo choo” and “chew, chew.”

billzhao

Q: Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
" I- t( u' L0 u4 OA: The scientists were brainstorming!

$ r; W& b4 J) y/ ]0 E2 Q& B2 F' w/ rExplanation: I love a good thunderstorm!  Especially if I am safe inside.  A brainstorm is not a real storm but a way to gather ideas

5 b: B# O+ h& |% w0 p' tWhen people brainstorm they make a list of many ideas.  Scientists brainstorm ideas for experiments and possible answers or explanations to questions they have.  (A lab is a place where some scientists work.)

8 `. u3 J" }6 Q& O/ n# S# y5 |+ YThis joke is funny because it plays with the words storm/ brainstorm.

billzhao

Q: What tool can you use to cut water?
A: A sea-saw!

Explanation: To understand this joke you must first know what a seesaw is.  A seesaw is a toy/ game/ ride that you might see on a playground where children play (it is also known as a teeter-totter).  Imagine a long piece of wood that is balanced in the middle; one person sits on each end of the board and as one goes up, the other goes down.
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# R5 d1 T5 j: S! UA saw is a tool used to cut things. Of course, you cannot cut water… even with a saw.  This joke is funny because seesaw sounds like sea-saw and both end in “saw,” a tool (saw is the past tense verb of to see).  (Just to be clear: the fools part of the title refers to someone trying to cut water, not the amazing performance below!!)