Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
- t2 C- P( o5 r) G* u9 y8 t, `- C! dDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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7 ~0 I& M0 Z6 G% DJOB DESCRIPTION:
: @& u3 V; Q3 D# R0 |0 K: ^Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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- [7 x4 A) V( y5 G3 wpermanent work in an often chaotic environment.
" o  N" t8 w- w7 \# XCandidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
7 `% R) b) d* Uvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
  ^4 s& H$ h3 a4 ^; G: fSome overnight travel required, including trips to
: b; [, t: k  z* ~primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
+ a" z; _6 B9 h1 q+ J7 R' ?endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
) _9 H% R! y+ A' v2 z) Z/ WExtensive courier duties also required.
$ h: B  ?2 s4 |- q" N
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life.
  m4 n9 V8 n; |3 @6 h  t8 ]Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
. `( x: l' U0 J5 J+ j+ suntil someone needs $5.
3 ?. C7 d* b3 f8 H& z) b+ yMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
9 }3 F$ y4 H, X& r3 `; I' qand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
$ b1 {% [: _; m& q; L  o# Kthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
' J$ ^; n. x9 G# Q) b, t8 rMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
! A& f% \4 {0 m6 ~and stuck zippers.
' ?7 [: ^3 \' r$ bMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
0 Y. n; n$ ~* f! e( S6 ~) y7 Fcoordinate production of multiple homework projects.
. q, g. f" C1 iMust have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
, c/ Q/ |4 g9 {5 x- [Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
* w! F8 q$ W+ c" Q; v% ?9 L: |an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
; o: ~# A8 o4 y4 Zhalf million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
6 C+ @6 B+ |1 L3 K# b0 GMust always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
" h5 x% P4 L& j, v+ EMust assume final, complete accountability for
8 e  L, v+ X2 z+ v  B. ~% \! ]the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work  throughout the facility.

  n* m& o( W* Q- b7 P* ePOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None.
- D' |* `9 E. ^- k6 x# ^: S5 ]  LYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining,constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
4 h) h  N& Q+ L: k# `* xcan ultimately surpass you.


+ n% p9 J# t: o' w8 SPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required, unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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' d1 z4 x$ W+ [WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them!
/ m0 a9 N" v6 y( POffering frequent raises and bonuses.
a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
' y1 O9 R5 E: u% Q! fWhen you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

4 ]3 U4 ~6 `5 j5 f/ bBENEFITS:
8 n4 ^% d- ^9 ~7 V- ?$ NWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
$ `* E4 T: w' f1 I1 o. y! Wno tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
. J4 ?/ V  R) a# Ano stock options are offered,
: @$ B- g' F' e4 v1 h+ C8 xthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
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8 m4 D( I4 y$ i  u5 sunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses

& u& K% h6 E  o8 l/ m3 s* `for life if you play your cards right.


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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
. T* S: H. t* K1 |+ d: O: ~letting them know they are appreciated
6 @" R1 C1 A( _& E, S  Z$ Afor the fabulous job they do...
or forward with love
5 P3 A7 v9 ?% h! f  n) K1 Mto anyone thinking of applying for the job.

billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.