Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
. {5 p$ f( R4 l" x. \: c# e> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
4 @6 Z4 [5 W6 [' j( O> > > >little TONY.
7 F  R9 z- f. f" @& f$ v* r> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
' V* }$ b& _+ l/ l> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
) f7 @0 N! f( G  `% t# c>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
% a9 i% k/ H' C, N9 s> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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5 l1 @$ Q8 k* B9 t# a: h4 E> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
" v. y) q+ P+ ?, [7 ^>cream.
- E" p! s1 j& q, i, p> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
2 x  U# B; J1 S1 C  @> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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+ q  E  H. e1 k> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
/ W/ D3 D, I7 y5 ?/ H> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
3 B5 i" r$ C+ ^1 W% h: a> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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2 G/ C' W8 y+ w5 S  Z> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
: j+ F+ S' V  M6 u: I( f, N> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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! \2 O/ b3 s$ P# h. V> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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1 w" H! g3 J5 Z2 V. i> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
. Y6 M8 p, X# @. i: M> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
1 s. ~) f- a9 Y! y3 |- i) D/ t4 H> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
; w7 w8 T4 q; v/ T+ a> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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! Y( t4 V# ~0 N* x> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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7 D% T8 |, C# V4 Z* K> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
* H0 _" ?- d; s2 v> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
+ v. a4 ~' f/ q! U> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
6 b! s+ ?4 P4 t" `3 K: B> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
+ J) }; N4 M( ]2 f% X> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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, l$ X/ D% s  w3 {8 u3 l> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
3 J, n- ^4 t/ W! c> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
; P3 o/ v5 H! k: d, O" ?( g> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
9 X  s( N0 M, N' `  C% x> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business