Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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4 m+ N4 L6 t" B+ ]9 N, O. [1 i> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
) ^+ Q1 ^/ b7 ?> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
5 {9 M3 z+ H4 s& `: K> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
5 S) F2 _1 Z0 W4 J- W& i% x> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
9 S7 N( @; ]$ b- X# u> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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, j3 \( p. ?' ]" r( V4 C1 \5 o> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
2 s+ t& i: F/ ?/ n0 I" k> > > >Which one is married?"
" A7 D) L8 }1 A6 j> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
) _) f, ]% C# |* Q" [( n> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
' U( n4 |/ ^5 A, R0 V9 i) z& a> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
' Z* m6 ]1 t# ~- _> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
/ p% Q, v$ m: P- L> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
2 j# U& y2 P' d) P% s& O> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
$ l. T, m# X2 c7 f- ~! M> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
; G6 n" B; ~$ b; s. u! i! G> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
9 r, Y2 z7 q4 y3 }3 _  v> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
+ M$ [$ I* ^0 w> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
# \# r% W4 \* J5 @> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
0 f& |+ C" g0 [& }& G; ^> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
> > > >
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( S, }4 f9 v) |; |; b( g> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
8 {# [6 k3 N. R$ k, M( O> > > >same sentence twice.
- Z2 S' x5 B: A! B6 }> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
. [1 s8 n" R) A) J$ E> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
1 X' `& X! ^# g4 X9 k> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
5 I) Q4 b: F  S* f/ v. |. e; k> > > >called on little TONY.
7 K) }  v" C4 _5 q: t7 D, o> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
! ]  ]' U; Y9 J2 V( g/ \) [: E8 Q> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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& K% ]3 c2 i8 i9 N) ^! [> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
6 h& M5 N8 U) o% I! o> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
% q4 K% J8 a; }+ Q3 ]; R( g! ]> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
) p: j$ d# R/ V2 A> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
' P* ?1 y- [9 ~0 [7 w> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
. S4 p  p. r1 E6 c. K- z% y  D- F. X> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
0 v1 W/ a& p. u+ V7 u3 U> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business