Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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7 X+ E; a( U* u/ W* m> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
3 i# H' }7 l$ r" j>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
# `# d$ k' T) w! {) s# x8 F' F) x/ e4 }> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
' r# j0 O+ a, `> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
3 v4 T9 p& H5 j  d( B! }, m> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
6 ~$ u8 e& j' W1 F: o> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
7 [" d' ]: Y9 Q8 O. t+ h4 Z> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
3 r  H, Z* H% {> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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& i' g% a3 U2 X! ]  k$ p# N> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
7 U! J: [0 [- O+ R$ F> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
2 G: s/ j2 `1 d" V: ~) X8 D4 {( a> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
, J* H; x5 ~7 G. {$ [> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
> > > >
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- N' d& b8 F9 n' W; I> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
/ K( q8 J8 L. L) n, L> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
3 {& U7 E" b0 S2 p4 W0 ~> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
% x; X1 ?3 u: o> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
) [7 G5 @3 X- D9 m& G- o+ g> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
! o, I- {; T& p6 C2 U& {> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
> > > >
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/ A% k+ M) b9 d4 }7 m# v% j> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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9 `" w, f9 l/ W> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
+ F5 c" `9 m8 }* R' z. K1 _( d> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
3 `0 I) o6 b) B6 g0 |) v* }, a- b> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
  e: H& t0 |0 Q% J5 B> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
6 z% u1 [# n7 q  \4 F, S> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
; \+ o( H4 [% S; {- ]0 e0 R> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
, K5 p" d9 x1 Y> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
9 }/ u5 L' |& M! H$ n9 b> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
0 W* B7 o$ T' v+ a4 Q  @. p> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
- X2 e: P! v) t. }/ G+ ?5 N7 d> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
$ X1 R+ G0 R9 n$ O; {( ?> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business