Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
$ q% M4 U# J1 K. c/ Y  x' x> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
1 m% _7 s. g! q6 V>thinking."
3 V, y; k, I' X1 Z: F: C& ^: l7 U> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
' n- z# k/ d, r2 f( c>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
3 Y& y  e- M" o' x' m, e  W1 b> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
0 h) r9 O0 g2 u7 a> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
, c% d$ F& @; L> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
6 f0 b3 i+ f" I8 i9 o' W> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
" O& g5 ~' ]; p> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
3 b- j4 i4 ~* S1 Z/ t> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
5 W) ?$ K# {" T6 ^> > > >"That's what I said!"
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) \: `* J; @( v3 W" Z$ R, A& f> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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+ |& Y0 E( p0 v% Q> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
3 H, X+ K' D; ?; u% H* Y> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
2 F" {7 m1 A2 m) _+ ^% I5 |! h> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
6 I" u4 i8 j3 ~0 l. a> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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* P9 S4 k+ C! l; i9 [> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
: s1 s8 {& D* m> > > >piss!!"
3 w+ q8 g4 [. x( [2 B> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
7 u% l) v! s7 T, U> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
2 Y# G' I0 T8 E! U  \5 B. C/ g> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
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9 y9 n6 i) [7 M' b> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
8 u$ Y  y: b, ?2 [> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
! M% f- D5 e9 J! j+ X7 m: K> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
; e1 [! X0 U+ o% i> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
. B- [1 q) P5 }1 `7 j> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
/ m' G- X* H( G4 N0 b> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
/ Z. f% c& y9 j% L. h- ^> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >
: B+ U7 v3 R, Z0 v: @# p) Z> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
# x1 F1 Y7 X+ V> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
7 n$ C, f% q. [" S> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
  ]2 n8 Y' B2 q9 p- q; G5 j( n> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business